Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Often we think when we get married, everything will fall to its place like a piece of puzzle that fits to a picture. But nope. I hate to break you this but marriage is more than that. Sometimes you will come across a broken vase, or a torn puzzle and you keep wondering is this how it is supposed to be? The answer is YES! You dont always agree with your partner. And that is when communication comes in. You learn to tolerate, discuss the problems and find solutions. All these processes you have to go through in order for both of you to grow up.  And it is not that easy. That is why all you see in dramas are plates flying across the floor.  My marriage is like that as well, skipping the flying plates of course.  At times we argue and we just couldn't stand to be in each other's sight. That is why both of us need the 'me' time. And today, i was upset with my husband because he didn't listen to what i was gonna share with him. So through out the day, ...

I guess i am blessed with things i didnt even realize. At times my husband can be annoying. I know he'd feel the same way too. But at times he can be as sweet as honey. For instance, last night i was unwell. So he took care of me. I asked him to rub the medicated oil on my back and he did. He even bought medical stamp (koyok) and pasted it on my temples. I slept quite well last night despite the baby waking me up for milk. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything you've been given me.

I guess Allah has his own reasons why he didn't let me see or meet the girl. The only girl I've been envious to in my whole life, for now. I guess i just dont know how am i gonna react when i see her. Or maybe i will be deeply hurt. Or likewise. Even though deep down in my heart, i really wanna see her and have a talk with her. Sincerely.

Thank you abang hensem baju merah tu sebab sanggup tunggu takoyaki lama2 untuk buah hati abang. Sayang abang sgt2.

I changed for the better. I hope no one gets hurt anymore. I just dont want to be my old self.

Betul apa orang cakap. Setiap rumahtangga akan diuji. Bezanya, ujian itu tak sama untuk semua orang. I guess i have to believe that this is my part. This is our test. And both of us have to be strong until we passed the test. Alhamdulillah i have a loving husband who didn't mind putting on stinky(herbal) oil on my legs. It is gonna be tough for a while but it will get better. Ujian diberi untuk hambanya kembali berpaut dan bergantung harap dengan Nya. I cried just now. Because thinking abour it seemed so tough. InshaAllah i will try my best to endure this hardship.

My baby is getting rounder day by day. And it is just amazing how much i love this little guy. I am willing to do anything for him. I guess this is what people call the unconditional love.

I guess i was not upset about him. I was upset with myself. I am disappointed in myself because of the incident. When i used to swear id do anything for him. But turned out i couldnt or maybe, i didnt. It was wrong. I was wrong. Half of me is asking to beg for forgiveness but my ego just wont allow it. He asked me nicely just now if i wanted to eat the food he brought home for me. I answered him with a cold answer. Gosh. Really. Going to poop really does make u think clearly.

I despise it the most when my husband complained i am not doing any house work.  Yes.  I despise it.  Why?  because in my life he had mentioned it before that he had seen someone else did a better job in house keeping. Yes.  I admit it.  I am not good in doing house work. I can hardly cook. I dont know how to clean up the house. Basically, i am lazy. In my own eyes. I dont want to defend myself because i am tired of making excuses for myself. I am just gonna leave it at that. I am lazy. And no man deserves a lazy wife.

Since aku terlebih rajin kan, aku dah kupas siap2 semua bawang2.. then aku siap masukkan dalam bekas. Dah beli siap bekas kecik2 nak masukkan apa2 lah yg nak disimpan dalam peti. Baru lah tak semak. Cenggituu. Then tadi nak masak,nak keluarkan bawang, tah cemana lah aku nih, spesis loqlaq gak pon kan, penutup bekas tu 'terhiris' jari aku. Apa lagi, memang berdarah lah kan. Tapi nasib la sikit ja. Pedih gak la bila bsuh dengan air kan. Tp ok la. Dapat mengada sikit ngn husband. Then, lama dh lepas tu, aku nak sapu minyak telon kt perot anak, totally terlupa yg jari aku ni luka. Pergh. Pedih yg amat. Demi anak kan. Langsung terlupa yg jari aku tadi luka. Huhu. Dalam k luka tu. Siap boleh bukak tutup lagi. Ngilu.

Petang tadi i asked my husband dia nak makan apa utk dinner. I wanted to cook. Then dia jawab, dia kenyang lagi. Tak rasa nak makan nasik pun. 😏😏😏😏 Knowing him he definitely would be hungry jugak so i cakap la, nanti ngadu lapar siap eh. So i cooked my dinner. Dinner bongok2 je. Lauk paprik x jadi. Cuz i main belasah je. Alah, i nak makan sorang. Asal rasa sedap sikit dah la. Dah siap masak and long after, i pun makan. He took turn taking care of lil adam. Lepas i makan, i nak susukan adam lah since dia merengek dah. I picked Adam up from him. Then my husband cakap, ok. My turn to eat. I malas la nak bebel kang orang tu merajuk taknak makan lak. So i biarkan jela. He kept making excuses. "Abang sebenarnya nak makan megi je." " Sayang saje je eh masak banyak nak umpan abang makan kan? Abang tawu dah taktik sayang." "Sayang, abang makan sikit je. Abang saja je nak rasa sayang masak." I tengok je d...

The greatest blessing for me. Alhamdulillah. Looking at his funny faces everyday. Ok. Hari ni kena jumpa pakar and my husband went to work already. I went back to sleep. Sebab malas nak bangun. Haha.

Alhamdulillah. I have been given a helpful husband who doesn't feel awkward to do house chores. Ok. Sepanjang balik dari raya kat kampung memang urusan baju kotor semua husband yg uruskan. Alhamdulillah. Syukur sangat. Memang tak perlu suruh pun dia sendiri yg basuh. Tadi waktu dinner, aku dah nak habis makan, then baby Adam nangis pulak. Memang lah dia suka jeles ngn mama dia makan berdua ngn papa dia. 😌😌😌 Then i picked him up and dukung sambil makan. Baby Adam nak dinner jugak sebenarnya. So he asked me to finish my meal. Dia suruh aku gi basuh tangan. I didn't expect him to wash all the plates and bowls. Tapi my husband kutip semua and basuh semua.. siap lap meja lagi. Alhamdulillah. Syukur sgt2.

I read this book. One of the author said this, not all good things should be shared with everyone. I find this true after what i had been through for the past few days. Really. Not everyone gives a damn about me and my little life. No one wants to know. So whatever good news i have i should be keeping it to myself. Let them find out on their own. Another thing she said, i'm just gonna summarize it,  we dont need to have what everyone have just to be happy. And what everyone says about you don't really matter. Of course people want to meddle in your business but they can just give opinion, you shouldn't really follow what they say. I need to work on my life principles all over again.

And so i uploaded a picture of my baby. It was an old picture. Not really old but around a month ago. What happened was my friends asked me and they thought my baby was admitted to the hospital. Since i still felt hurt i refused to answer any of their questions. Becoming towards silent reader. I am trying to change myself. I will always update here since i can pour anything into here and not waiting for any response. Ok. Gtg. Need to cook lunch. Though we had rice for breakfast. But still, cooking early makes things easy.

A little advice to me, next time i have to cook dinner, start before dawn okay. Dah mula prepping work around 5.. sebab nanti nak masak pun macam lama kan. Then boleh tinggal masak nasi and pergi mandi sebab gosh, lepas masak wajib berpeluh macam pergi jogging. I have no idea how that happened. Lepas mandi boleh la rilek2 sementara tunggu nasik masak. Nasik masak, and after maghrib dah boleh hidang and makan. So boleh habis awal and by 9 dah boleh rilek2 depan tv or ready nak lipat kain pulak. Haha. Typical mak mak la kan sekarang ni. Every second is precious especially bila ada anak kecik yg fully breastfeed. Rasa tak sempat nak melayan suami pn. Air pun tak sempat nak bancuhkan utk dia. Alhamdulillah kurang2 sempat masak untuk dia. Itupun suami yg uruskan anak kecik ni ha. See, marriage takes lots of commitment​s. It is not always sugary and candy all the time. Tapi curi curi jugaklah masa nak bersweet dua orang. I have to. If not, our marriage will be just normal and i am ver...

What my life has turned into. Feeding my son. And doing prep work for cooking. Tonight's menu will be siakap stim. Hope it will taste good.

Maybe i was a little too sensitive. On the second day of raya,i told my friends in the WhatsApp group the story of little Adam in the hospital but turned out no one in the group could care less about my son. Ok. No one responded. So what the heck kan? I was a little bit hurt when they did that. Until now i become the silent reader in the group. Maybe i should stop talking too much. Plus, i am a hardcore user of WhatsApp, but i have no one to chat with. They are too busy with their lives i guess i should be doing the same. Kyron is pregnant now.. i am so happy for her.