Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

When i dreamed about living together with my husband, i can never truly imagined how my life would turn out to be. Of course the imagination runs but i didnt feel it. Until the news that my application for transferring had been approved. It was thrilling and very exciting. And the holiday passed by.  The first few weeks i spent juggling wasnt easy. I felt like crying. I fought with my husband a lot. I couldnt enjoy my time spent with my family and i turned out to be very tired at the end of the day. I becaming a monster everyday. It's not fun anymore. Living like that. That's what i thought.  So i turned to a friend, and she advised me as well as giving me tips. I tried to follow, but then again, i kinda slipped out a bit. I tried.  Until last week.  It was a very exhausting day for me. It was Wednesday when we had our first extra curricular activities. I went back home really late. And after setling down and everything, i lay down in bed. My husband...

i'm taking some time off from my work. just for a little bit. this morning i came across my wedding picture. and now i kept remembering my baby. alahai, kesian anak mama. suddenly i remembered, holding my little baby. he was so tiny. when he was one month old, he has prolong jaundice. before we headed to perak, we stopped by at hospital seberang jaya for his appointment. the doctor needs his urine sample. so how to collect his urine? the nurses there connected tube to his penis and i just needed to feed him non stop. i was feeding him for some time.. and i kept on checking on the urine bag, there were too little. then i felt the hot water near my pants, turned out, it was leaking. lol. the urine even spilled on the floor and on to me. while this little guy, sleeping peacefully. now that he has lots to say, i miss him. semalam, i was super stressed with him. he just wants me. he didnt want to be put down. i was super exhausted at that time. now i regretted it.

It's 3.50 am and I am wide awake. I wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't. My stomach is growling. Breastfeeding is a serious issue I'm telling you. It gets me hungry all the time. Back then I didn't eat as much but now, I feel like I had triple the amount of food intake. Being a mommy is no joke. There is no break from being a mommy. Even if I am at work, I'll still be thinking about my baby and I would ask his sitter about him.  This month is just a crazy month for all the teachers. As we're closing up the year, lots and lots of things to be done. Marking exam papers, filling it in the website, streaming classes, report cards, and many more. As I am the AJK of textbook we're even busier as pupils are required to return their textbooks and getting new ones ready for next year. Not to mention the hari anugerah thingy. It gets even tougher at work when the administrator making up new rules. As the serving people like us i guess we'll just have to f...

define superwoman. for me, it's an ordinary woman who gets everything together. like everything is being put up perfectly. i dreamed of being one too. i thought it was easy. but heh, life is all about tests right. i thought i could be the woman who does her work perfectly. taking of children while looking good and energetic. putting on makeup. look beautiful. but the reality, i feel like crying most of the time. i am lucky i have this morning all to myself for a moment before my child wakes up and i decided to write this, when in my mind, there's a hurricane of thoughts going on. it's just crazy if you just entered my brain. i read my friend's blog and i feel inspired. i feel like her life, is perfect. she always gets what she wants and she works hard for it. unlike me, i am so freaking lazy that i just wait for people to give it to me. i cant be the superwoman. i know that. just my random thoughts in the morning. 

Lately little Adam keeps saying abah abahh abbaahh.. i dont know at what month should they start talking but i want him to call mama. What i did was, i say the word mama when i looked at his face directly. He smiled. I said it again, he laughed. Does the word mama amuses you my child? Tskk.

I guess the biggest fear for most housewives is not that the laundry hasn't dried but it's the fear of their husbands cheating. To be honest i am one of them. Living far away from my husband I am paying high for the trust. It's not easy given my history.

here goes a story about a colleague of mine who i adored so much.  i guess she started working in SKA around march. when i heard the news we're getting a new science teacher..  in my school, there is always a battle when it comes to new teacher.  sesi pagi nak cikgu baru. sesi petang pun nak cikgu baru. both are claiming lacking with teachers. which is true for both sides. tapi from my observation petang lagi teruk lah looking at cikgu petang punya jadual.  anyway, the first day she went into the morning session but the second day she was assigned to be in the afternoon session.  she took a place in front of me where the teacher there moved last year.  the way i see it, dia sangat murah dengan senyuman.. dia senyum and we did have a nice chat.  setiap hari dia akan datang sekolah dengan mood yang ceria. never once i saw her coming to school with an upset mood. tak pernah tengok dia sedih. tak pernah tengok dia marah. those...