Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Since aku dah mula balik sembang kat group WhatsApp tu, i returned to the old me. I chatted and ranted there. I responded kot if i read em. But they? Baca macam tu je. Biar lah. Nak pretend i am busy lah.

I was mean. I know that and i hate myself for that. I have lots of bad qualities. I know that not a single human in this world is born with perfection. I always know that. But then, for me, *sigh I think i need to seek a therapist. Last time i asked my colleagues if they know any babysitter that i can send my baby to. And guess what? They all kept quiet except for one person. And i was furious. Wanna know why? Because in front of me they seemed to care.. but trust me, they dont give a shit about my life. They asked because they wanted to know and talk about it with their friends. I truly hope that i will be transferred here in perak this October. Because i am afraid i will speak differently with them. Full of harshness. I dont want that. And I truly hope they dont bother me with questions about my baby. I just wanna do my work. I want to pretend i am busy.

I dont know what to say. Last night was truly an eye opener to me. All these while i thought i have somebody to count on. To listen to my women's problem. But hey, i was wrong. And it was devastating to know that. All the while in the car my mind kept thinking of throwing my phone out the window but then i tried not to follow my raging emotions so i didnt. Plus, my husband would be furious if i do that. Haha. Anyway, there was this person whom i think i could relate to.. because among my friends we have the most things in common.. so i thought she would understand and she would listen and respond just the way i did it for her. But nope. When i was rattling about something she would either reply with one sentence or an emoji. Depending on her mood.. i dont know lah. I felt betrayed so much last night. So i deleted my WhatsApp. I am trying to change myself again which i successfully did it for the past few weeks until someone noticed and asked what's wrong with me and why was ...

I dont know what to say. Last night was truly an eye opener to me. All these while i thought i have somebody to count on. To listen to my women's problem. But hey, i was wrong. And it was devastating to know that. All the while in the car my mind kept thinking of throwing my phone out the window but then i tried not to follow my raging emotions so i didnt. Plus, my husband would be furious if i do that. Haha. Anyway, there was this person whom i think i could relate to.. because among my friends we have the most things in common.. so i thought she would understand and she would listen and respond just the way i did it for her. But nope. When i was rattling about something she would either reply with one sentence or an emoji. Depending on her mood.. i dont know lah. I felt betrayed so much last night. So i deleted my WhatsApp. I am trying to change myself again which i successfully did it for the past few weeks until someone noticed and asked what's wrong with me and why was ...

Often we think when we get married, everything will fall to its place like a piece of puzzle that fits to a picture. But nope. I hate to break you this but marriage is more than that. Sometimes you will come across a broken vase, or a torn puzzle and you keep wondering is this how it is supposed to be? The answer is YES! You dont always agree with your partner. And that is when communication comes in. You learn to tolerate, discuss the problems and find solutions. All these processes you have to go through in order for both of you to grow up.  And it is not that easy. That is why all you see in dramas are plates flying across the floor.  My marriage is like that as well, skipping the flying plates of course.  At times we argue and we just couldn't stand to be in each other's sight. That is why both of us need the 'me' time. And today, i was upset with my husband because he didn't listen to what i was gonna share with him. So through out the day, ...

I guess i am blessed with things i didnt even realize. At times my husband can be annoying. I know he'd feel the same way too. But at times he can be as sweet as honey. For instance, last night i was unwell. So he took care of me. I asked him to rub the medicated oil on my back and he did. He even bought medical stamp (koyok) and pasted it on my temples. I slept quite well last night despite the baby waking me up for milk. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything you've been given me.

I guess Allah has his own reasons why he didn't let me see or meet the girl. The only girl I've been envious to in my whole life, for now. I guess i just dont know how am i gonna react when i see her. Or maybe i will be deeply hurt. Or likewise. Even though deep down in my heart, i really wanna see her and have a talk with her. Sincerely.