Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

I have been wanting to write this for quite some time. It has been on my mind a lot. Since I have few or quite a lot experiences I can say, in this matter. The topic for today is, Millennium Mom and The Challenges. I feel like writing an essay for an assignment. Being a mother nowadays is totally different from the past when women just need to sit down and care for the babies or just picking leaves and fruits. It was such an easy task. They were not expected to hunt animals or do dangerous stuff like climbing trees or mountains. When we look back at the job of those women, and we compare it to these days, it just differs like the sky and earth. The differences are vast. Mothers nowadays are expected to work. Because in order to have a comfort living, they need to back up their husband and go to work. Of course there's also this feminism thingy and I'm just gonna scratch that. For me, it is tough being a mother in these days because there are huge responsibilities and exp...

Earlier today was a bit awful. There's just a lot going on in my mind and someyimes I find it exhausting. I don't really hate my life .In fact I love my life eve though it is not perfect. I took a leave today despite work is mounting my desk .I had to care frf my baby. His babysitter was away today . I scrolled down my WhatsApp and I reread the conversation between my college mates .they were discusidis about the confirmation job. Which I haven't done anything. So I talked to a friend of mine and she said that once I printed out the Surat pengecualian ptm the kerani should ask me to fill in two forms .I had given my kerani the Surat a long long time ago and she didn't do anything. So I called the ppd bahagian unit perkhidmatan and the person in charged told me that I needed to download the forms from the spp portal and I didn't know. My kerani didn't know .I was furious lah .Ni bukannya bidang kuasa Aku .she ahould have known lah Kan dia kerani kot. I print...

Kerana ego, aku lupa dengan siapa aku bercakap. Maafkan aku. ……………………. Hari ni merupakan hari yang agak tertekan bagi ku. Adam tak sihat. Pada malamnya Adam tak mahu tidur dan asyik menangis. Dia langsung tak mahu menyusu. Aku jadi tak cukup tidur semalam. Badan dah mula sakit-sakit. Mana taknya, kejap mengiring ke kiri, kejap ke kanan demi menenangkan anak yang menangis tanpa aku tahu apa puncanya. Adam menangis dan tidak mahu diam seawal pukul 4 pagi. Aku terpaksa bangun kerana apa jua yang aku lakukan, Adam masih menangis. I was stressed. So I went out the room and sat alone trying to ignore his cries. It’s cruel. I know. But it’s gonna be even worse if I didn’t separate myself from him for a while. I know that. My husband had to wake up because of his cries. Aku berada di sofa waktu itu. Suami ku dukung Adam keluar dari bilik. Adam looked at me and cried again. And I looked at him and I felt the love again. So I picked him up, trying to console him. Trying to feed ...

It’s 5.40 p.m. and I’m in bed right now. Not sleeping. I guess that’s obvious. I just watched a little bit of my favourite blogger’s video. She did a vlogz about a sneak peek on her life. Have you ever wondered that what are the reasons that your life is as what it is now? Like, is it meant to be or is it just what you deserve? I always have this thought. Sometimes I thought it is meant to be. Sometimes I also have this thought that I deserved all these because I didnt work hard enough or I had made a bad decision. It is hard for me sometimes to pull myself from that ‘dark’ side of me but alhamdulillah I managed to get through. I am living my life in a bliss. I am grateful for what I have now. And yes I wanted to have more than what I already have. That’s because I need to move forward. And work hard for a life that I want. I want to own a house. And I hope Allah will lead and ease me the way. Aamiinn. 

i feel like the devil inside of me is coming out. maybe because of this tiredness and lack of sleep. and here i am blaming other factors when maybe it's just me to be blamed for. i am disgusted with myself right now. i shouldn't feel the way i felt just now. and it just, i hate it. i guess i dont know how to be around people. i lose control. i prefer my small circle of friends. maybe i should just stay away a bit. and just focus on whats need  to be done.

Breastfeeding takes a lot of commitment. I am truly surprised i havent given up. May Allah gives me the strength to continue breastfeeding. Aminn. 

When i was young the energy level is amazing   Although I sounded old but I’m still young but not as young as i used to be. I realized now about my body is they truly need food when hungry. I’ll get sick if i dont eat wheny stomach is growling. Back then if that ill came to me id be just fine. I’ll eat then go to sleep the next thing i know i was fine. Now. I dont even have the time to have long undisturbed sleep. So whenever i got sick i am very annoyed. Huhu We went to kelantan last weekend. Today we just got back. We rented a hotel for one night only and the rest we spent it on the road. Kinda like a road trip. It was. Cause we travelled by car. To be honest if i were you ger id be fine. Now my body is aching everywhere. Even my butt feels sore right now due to hours of sitting.  My baby is sick as well. We both had cough. He got it even worse. He can barely speak. Like no voice dah. Everytime he cries soundlessly my heart crushed. It just heartbreaking. He is ...