Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

For the past few weeks, I haven't been feeling good about myself. I kept describing and just putting down my own self, and I was doing the haters a favor, not that I know I have any, but if I have, they would be celebrating now.  The thing is, I haven't been feeling grateful about the way things are now, which had turned me into a deeppppp depression. I felt like crying for no reason, I wanted to run away, I just became the 'not happy me'. I was obsessed and became upset for the things I don't have, and wild thoughts did come into my mind and the only person I told about when I was in the deepest depression was him and his response was, 'you're crazy'. hahaha Yet, I wasn't angry at him when he said that, as a matter of fact, I did agree with him. 'you know, maybe you're right, maybe I am crazy, I should go see a doctor.'  It freaked him out. hahahahaha.. I wasn't doing it on purpose but honestly, I did feel like going to...

Hi blog. It's 2.30 a.m. and I am wide awake. It's because I am freaking hungry. Lolz.  I slept early last night, before 9 I was already in bed. Yesterday was an awesome day. I went out in the morning to send my little sister to her school since she needed to buy school stuff there. And then my father and I went to the nearest mall and bought my youngest brother his school uniform.  Then we wanted to come back to my sister but she called and said she was gonna be long, so we headed to tanjung dawai. That is our favourite place to buy dried anchovies. It was pretty awesome there. We bought the dried anchovies for over 100 ringgit. Haha. Puas hati kot!  The drive was quite long as it took us 45 minutes to reach there, but we managed to go anyway.  Then we headed home after fetching our little sister.  Afterwards I followed my dad to go for his work, which is car towing. It was fun but I wasn't feeling well already. Soon as we got home I got pr...

And so my sister kemas2 bilik, she looooveeeee to throw out old things. Here goes the conversation. Kilah: wey aripah, hang punya ka bedak sejuk ataih laci tu? Arifah: dak. Aku punya dah habih. Kak hang punya ka bedak sejuk pink tu? Me: ha. Aku punya. Jangan buang. Kilah: aku bukan cakap pasai bedak sejuk pink! Aku cakap pasai ni (tunjuk bedak nyonya bukan bedak sejuk!) Me: tu bedak nyonya bukan bedak sejuk!!! Bodo piang la hang ni. Hahahahahaha

House work. It's never ending. Never! Even though i am just helping my mom, i get tired. Now i have just finished cleaning up the living room. Before i was cleaning out fish and washing bunch of dishes. Luckily i have enough training when it comes to big family especially when there are boys around. They hardly ever wash their plates unless i were there to nag at them. I dont have to have kids to know how to nag anymore. Haha. Sure thing i am looking forward to reading this in the future. 20 years coming if i were still alive. Anyway, i just have to bathe cuz this thing makes me sweat and after i need to cook. See ya! 

The part in me that feels very much incomplete. I dont know why. Maybe i do and i am just denying the fact that i actually do know what the hell is going on in my heart. It aches everytime when i see it. I feel like leaving me and finding the new me.. heh. 

I went to aeon big last night with my family. Half of it anyway. The thing I love so much about aeon big at my place here in Penang is they always have clearance book sale. And the books are only rm5! Freaking cheap. For novel lovers like me. So I bought two books and the genre I have always picked is action thriller. Where it mostly involves killings, kidnapping,and mysteies. This morning, my mom saw the books I bought and she asked me about the books. Here goes our coversation. Mom: kak,buku apa kau beli? Me: action thriller. Ada bunuh-bunuh, culik. Mom: laaa.. mak pon suka baca buku macam tu. Me: haa, amik la baca. Mom: hotak hang. (Lol) mak tak paham pon! Hahahahahahahaha Mom is just so funny. 

Pedophile. A terror to every parents out there. Some are afraid to put up pictures of their cute baby toes because of this. And some requested others to put down pictures of their babies because they are afraid of the harm it will do if a pedophile saw the picture. I am not a parent. So I may not FULLY understand how it feels to be one. It is just that I don’t understand one thing, if your baby is feeling hot, why can’t you take off her socks? Just because a pedophile sees it and will make any attempt to do anything with the image of your child’s toes? Is it? So you deny your child’s right to feel cold and free just for the sake of not wanting it to be exposed from a pedophile? Maybe one day I will understand. Just like how my friend said to me, ‘you wouldn’t know how it feels, and wait until you have one.’ Oh yeah. That makes sense. It takes a parent to advise another parent. Truthfully, I did feel a little bit of a smack on my face based on that statement. And t...

I sometimes feel like I don't want to go out at all. I just want to sit at home and be lazy like Garfield. Here's a thing..  yes, i am a bit lazy to go outside especially when i have to go out alone at night, walking alone to the nearest 7e and restaurant. now, if you ask me, why not go by your car.  there are two lots for us to park the car inside the gate, one is especially wide and easy to come and go, and another is freaking hard to go inside because, well, the gate is small and you have to do it many times just to park it right so that the motorcycles can park it there too, at the small side.  since my car is the smallest and the other housemate has the biggest car, her car could not fit in that small parking lot, so me with a small car, had to park there, which is a really troublesome to go out and open the gate and get the car out, and then close the gate, and lock the gate. i find it, so many work to do just to bring the car out. so, i rather not....

when i traveled back with my friends heading towards KL, my dad called me halfway and said, 'sekolah kat selangor tutup esok.' and i got myself one day of holiday due to the haze.  the traffic was not that bad except for certain places, but i managed to stop halfway and got some sleepy because the night before i didn't get enough sleep, and then we exited the highway and i met him halfway and he brought me and my friend to a famous place to have our lunch. it was so delicious and i am glad that i met him halfway. luckily my friend was fine with that. :)  anyway, after i reached Ampang, and my friend cleaned herself in my house, when her boyfriend picked her, i went out alone, feeling really stress which i couldn't write it in this blog. so i tried reaching out to friends and one suggested that i hang out at the old town restaurant. so i went there, got myself a hot tea and a macaroni soup and i did felt really really really lonely and i cried there, alone. hah...

just now, when my mom talked about his friend had this plant named keladi, or yam that is berjurai-jurai dia punya akar, i asked my mom,  'keladi bukan miang ke?'  so my mum said, 'keladi mana miang.' my response was, 'eh keladi tak miang ke mak?'  mom: keladi tak miang la. keladi gatal.  me: then, what the difference, miang dengan gatal? lelaki miang tu kan maksudnya lelaki gatal.  mom: ......... 

it must be hard on him too, i guess.  because every time i got an invitation to a wedding, i would say stuff to him like, when is it gonna be my turn? i am tired of waiting. why can't i have that?  and he kept telling me to be patient, with everything.  as a boyfriend who would always fulfill everything i need and want, it must've been hard for him as well, because everytime the topic was brought up, he has nothing else to say other than telling me to be patient with him.  the condition that his mother gave him is, for him to be working first.  and that is like impossible for him. as, he has to finish his studies first.  i didn't mind waiting as it gives me time to be with myself first. although at times it was really really hard to stay away from him.  i guess, he must've felt hopeless and just hoping that i am willing to wait for him.  p/s: i am not desperate to be married, i am just saying.  it's nice ...

there's this married woman i met months ago. she is constantly talking about her husband. sometimes i didn't even ask, she would tell us stories about them. i don't want to be rude but in my head, it was like, 'did I even ask?'  but it's the truth, and it was really bothering. so at times, I would avoid this woman. 

I just watched PLL, season 5 if you must ask me, and I was wondering, are those real?  Does it happen in real life too? Sounds too complicated, isn't it?  But then I read a book that I just bought, and the title is KL Noir, and it made me think, someone else's life out there IS complicated. While I am sitting around here being lazy and just watch movies, someone out there is fighting for their life.  And it leads me down to feeling grateful. Feeling grateful that I had been given all these luxuries when some people out there are praying for it. 

I am now in the lrt heading to ampang. All this while i just watched the news about bersih. But today i kind of witnessed it. Man, there sure are a lot of people wearing bersih shirt today. Shocking things to see for a kampung girl like me.

the other day, i was furious at 5 Marikh, because they liked to tease this boy and he ended up going crazy and cried. it was disturbing. so i was really really really really angry and they were all afraid of me and they didn't say a word at all.  i told them, this is my level 3 of my anger. they never want to see my anger level at 10.  so yesterday, when i asked 5 marikh to sit down, and it was really hard at first, and i made the angry face,  one of the boys said, "kau nak tengok ke teacher marah level 10?" do you want teacher to be at level 10 when she is angry?  i felt like laughing, but of course i had to control my face so i put on the stern face.  hai, nak perli aku ke apa, level 10. hahaha... 

yesterday, i entered 5 Marikh first. which is the fourth class out of the six classes of Year 5.  i had fun teaching them, since i printed out big picture and they were really interested in learning. even though they are a bit noisy, but i just let them since my throat was hurt.  when i was teaching, i could see there was one pupil who kept looking into the classroom. he was from another class and he seemed interested in what i teach. :) i felt proud for awhile.  after i ended with marikh, i went to Zuhrah. they are the second class out of six. so, they are considered a good class. when i gave them work at 11.30 a.m., i sat down and did my lesson plan for the next week.  i drew three tables on the board, hoping that they will fill them in.  but at 12 o'clock, there was this boy, who had just copied one table. half an hour, what was he doing??????  i picked his book and i threw his book. yes. i was furious.  then i warn...

i hardly ever go out without putting at least the compact powder on. unless i am going to the supermarket and i can't be bothered putting on so much on my face cause i'll be going for like 15 minutes. there's no use in putting even a compact powder, just sprayed on sunblock if i want to.  a lot of people are under the impression of, people who put on makeup every morning are late comers.  you can't be serious? i've seen most late comers are men. so, are they putting on makeup?  it's a weird thing to say for women who love makeup.  for example, every morning, i will go to school with my room mate, and sometimes she is also late, but it seems, i was the one to be blamed for us being late. the words i received was, ni mesti Amalina yg lambat.  like, excuuuseee me? *with that tone please*  heh.  i've heard this a lot.  and some people don't like and don't understand people who wear makeup. what the heck is wrong w...

today, i felt hopeless after i asked the pupils to sit down and read the scrapbook that the other class made.  i even hit two of my pupils really hard at their back until my hand was trembling and red. it hurts. i wonder how they must've felt. maybe it wasn't that bad because they kept repeating the same thing over and over again until i became fed up with their attitude. who won't?  i've heard so much stories about them, some of them are from broken families, but there is nothing i can do to help their situation. i am way closer to them rather than the other class that i teach.  even with me being angry all the time, they didn't see me as a fierce teacher, at all.  physically, i am small. yes. one pupil of mine is way bigger than me but since he is just a kid, he sees me as a grown up, and also, whenever i give him the stare, he will be quiet. but for like one minute. that's it.  i went home alone, because my room mate isn't around, an...

seriously banyak benda nak tulis, tapi macam takdak masa. sebab, i need time to sit and think of nothing but blogging. baru lah bulih. idea dah ada dalam kepala, tapi still rasa ada benda lain nak kena buat. tengok surat data, teringat fail data kena buat, tengok fail pppbm, fikir kena update, tu tak kira another file, file guru baru. lagi lah tak terbuat. nangis oi camni. this weekend, memang tak duduk rumah pasal ikut kawan berjalan ke muar. haha. nantilah update pasal tu.

We say the words 'i love you' everyday. But how often we really mean it? Just thinking. Being away is hard. Being in a distant relationship is hard. We have our own space and we dont see much as other couples do, but hey, that is okay right? At least we understand the meaning of missing each other and in a way, growing up but still holding on to each other. When you are in a relationship for a long time, you know what kind of fights that is worth fighting. And sometimes, i just let it go because it is just too exhausting. Seriously taktau pabenda aku mrepek. Hahaha.

No has ever told me that i had put on my make up in a wrong way. Seriously. No one. I am not sure whether they are impressed with my makeup collection or, they just dont even know how to judge. Until. Recently, one of my students told me, especially when i put on my mascara and blusher, they told me i looked like anabelle. Seriously kids? I put lots of efforts you know. But, thanks to them,i realized my mistake in makeup which i had been doing for years now. So one day i looked up for the info and i spent half of my day reading about eye shapes and what is the right makeup. Truth is, there are a lot of different outshapes. And with makeup, you just need to do and experiment with them to know which one suits you best. Each one of us is different in so many ways, and so does with makeup. You see, from what i know, and the 'research' i did, my eyes shape is portruded. Yes. It does not sound beautiful but i can guarantee when you see them,you'll fall in love with them...

him: dengar tak saya play lagu ni? me: tak dengar pon.. him: memang la. lagu tak mula lagi. -.-'' 

kisahnya hari ni aku bagi calar keta jazz kawan aku yang dia baru beli. huhuhuhuhu.. guilty. tapi nasib dia baik sesangat, dia kata takpe. so tadi aku nak kasi duit dulu, sebab dia cakap dia nak bawak gi kedai kawan dia, tapi dia taknak. T_T add up to my guilty lagi lah kan. haha. 

26/7/2015 pegi open house rumah cikgu. ya Allah, makanan best gilossss. sedap yg amat. nasib datang awal. hahaha..  nampak bulat giler.  loving my makeup !  wajib ada gambar tak senonoh camni.  yer. aku spesis duduk bersila kalau nek keta. 

this entry sangat banyak gambar. penuh gambar selfies. wajib ada muka aku. miahhaha.. nak abadikan dalam kenangan tarikh ni. walaupun tak special mana, tapi i had super lots of fun with the girls. p/s: banyak gilos gambar perasan lawa from me. so kalau rasa meluat tengok, sila scroll sampai ke bawah terus. baru ada gambar orang lain sama. hak3 hashtag: myblogdontcare  introducing my housemate yg gila-gila cam aku.  meet hidayah. jazz owner. hahaha. also, zalora analyst.  meet mek nur. the prettiest girl in the house and also, the nurse.  sebelum kehadiran hidayah, pasal dia tak ingat dah kunci ke belom kete lepas kitorang blah dari parking. -.-''  hantu selfie sunggoh masing-masing  okay, niat sebenar nak pi kenduri jer.  pastu tersinggah times square.  kebas...