teacher and bad kids. bad kids win today.

In the early phase of practicum, I was always motivated to teach. But today, I was very down and definitely feeling like quitting. I am not good in so many ways. I am still learning. I know I am not a good teacher but I guess kids are just being kids. Never bothered with adult's feelings. 

I was being observed today. So the class started as usual except for there were few boys who came late. Trust me, there will always be. No matter how much you scold them, they will stay forever like that. So, I asked them to take a sit. I continued teaching. 

While teaching, there were two students who were playing while I was teaching. I warned them. But they definitely ignored my warning. Do you know it is super disappointing when you were trying very hard to teach but the kids are just playing around there and not listening to you? It takes half of my energy away. So, I leave them be. I couldn't scold them so much since the PK1 was observing me. I ignored them. I totally ignored them. 

Then I did a group work. I put them in groups. There was this group who didn't like each other. So they were fighting. They did not do the work given to them. So, in my head, it goes, never mind. You don't want to do my work? Fine. I won't give you what you want. 

Then I saw one boy who was kicking the other boy. I really felt like scolding him. But I hold it in. The PK1 was there. Before I even finished teaching, the bad boys were already thanking me. It's like they were kicking me out. That was it. I was so mad at that time. After that, I left the class. In anger. As soon as I sat in the teacher's room, the tears came out. It's so tiring to teach these bad boys class. I am now hating them. 

I really do not know how to handle these bad boys. I already made a star chart to encourage them to read and do homework, but still, they didn't want to do their homework. Even scolding is not working. Can anyone tell me how to change these kids? It's so tiring day by day. My friends suggested for me to talk slowly with them. Bribing would be good too. I don't know. I am still thinking of what to do this upcoming class. Wish me luck with the kids. 

But then again, when I was doing a relief class with the standard one students, I told them a story. They were listening attentively. And at the end of the class, there was one boy who asked me, teacher, are you teaching us again tomorrow? I said no. And the boy was like, alaaaaa..... It was so cute and I smiled. Because there is at least one student who appreciates me at school.