Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

i havent had a good cry lately. but then today everything is ruptured. basically, walls are coming down to me in my vision, my dream has collapsed. it was a horror to watch, it was a horror to see. it was terrible. i am writing figuratively. in case you wouldnt understand or the future me wouldn't understand.  and so today, with the cold i had, i cried so much and it hurt. it hurt my head, it hurt my feelings, it hurt my eyes, it hurt my nose and it hurt my heart so badly.  this relationship i have for four years, (reaching), i don't want to ruin it. ever. i do love him. i want only him. but every single time i offered a solution he kept saying, it's not gonna happen and there are millions of reason for him which i hated every fucking single one of them. yes, i am allowed to curse here.  ever since day one of 2016 i had been so positive, until today. on the 25th, i broke down. i no longer have hope. i don't. i guess you can say that, my dream is ruined. i

This is what I had been drinking for the past few days.

Good morning world. I would wake up late if it is a holiday. But today I feel like it would be such a waste if I go back to sleep. So here I am, writing this to you. This is my 5th day of drinking the teatox. I must say I quite like it. Now it is easier for me to go to the toilet. Except for one funny thing, my appetite has grown big. I wanted to eat everything that I could. I guess this thing has different effect for different body. It must be that or my body is just weird.

Damn. I just typed the longest entry on the phone and something happened now it's gone. Great.  But here are pictures of me looking as awesome as heaven because i put on makeup. Bye. 

now that he has finally has someone, i am partially glad. even if he holds a wedding, i don't think i want to make it or maybe he won't even invite me. haha.. will he? i wonder. anyway, funny how i start my new year talking about a guy whom i had crush on for years. but what the heck, my blog anyway,  to him:  i am just happy you have found someone. i hope you marry her very very soon and please don't invite me. or maybe invite me but i'll tell you i am not gonna make it.  should i invite you to my wedding as well? haha. no idea. pretty sure people won't invite their exes on the wedding but, we're NOTHING at the first place kan? as you said, we're only friends. :)  she's so pretty i tell you.. haha. lucky guy lah you. but i bet she's on the luckier side to have you. congratulations to both of you. i would love to hear an invite from both of you. 

I haven’t wrapped up my 2015 yet. 2015. Lots of things had happened. Cant believe that 2015 had went passed us. First, what I did last year was only sitting at home being an unpaid maid and just waiting for my posting news. Yes, I didn’t work like everybody else. Haha. I don’t know why I wasted nearly a month doing nothing but being an unpaid maid. But anyway, then I got posted like everybody else. Then life got hard, then nice, then hard again, and nice again and it just went that way. I met new friends and at the same time keeping contact with old friends. The first day I got my salary I spent it on buying a new phone because my old phone was already like 2 years and it kind of broke down and I didn’t want to spend any money on repairing it, so I got a new one that cost me nearly 1k. There goes my money. Simply said, I got a new phone. Then, work became a stressful thing for me, as the students were totally out of control and I just got pretty upset when the