Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Hey there. As much as I wanted to put this in my journal but you know. Having two kids is making things impossible to even sit down and write stuff. Oh how i miss those moments. I am just writing this because apparently i am no longer a fun human being. My life has shifted its focus centre and my life now is all about my kids. Without them i might have a meaningless life. Now that they're here i cant imagine my life without them..i love them very much. It's hard being a mommy of two. It's a constant struggle.  I struggle a lot. Up until now and will always be.. I looked for inspiration but it does not motivate me enough. My toddler is in his tantrum mode. If he didnt get what he wanted he would burst into loud cry and just laying on the floor. Still remember the night i had to stay in the hospital when my cervix dilation was just 1cm. That was our first time we were apart. Me and adam. He fell sick the next day. I felt so heartbroken just seing him. He couldn't sle

Alhamdulillah. My parent's house may not be a mansion but this is a bliss. I am enjoying the plants that my mother planted. And the wind. While i am cooking the traiditional food, the peanut sauce. 

There are many things that i find people don’t understand me and what I’m doing. For instance, i asked my husband to bring me to tapah because there’s something i wanted to buy. He said, just go after work. I know. Sounds easy. It’s 15mins from my school. But. I cannot afford it. I cannot afford to leave my baby behind for a longer period of time. My baby depends on me to eat. Without my milk he cannot eat anything else because he only drinks my milk. I don’t give him formulas because my husband is opposed to that and i do have the intentions to breastfeed my baby until he’s two years old. It’s okay. Memang susah orang nak faham tapi tu lah realiti aku. Pendapat untuk bagi formula aku tolak mentah-mentah sebab niat aku memang nak cukupkan dua tahun. I guess it gives me the purpose. Tipu la kalau cakap I’ve never been depressed. Pernah. Mak mana yg tak pernah. Anak2 menangis sebelah telinga. Tak tahu nak pilih anak mana nak pujuk dulu because I’m afraid of putting the image of mama