Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

It's 3.50 am and I am wide awake. I wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't. My stomach is growling. Breastfeeding is a serious issue I'm telling you. It gets me hungry all the time. Back then I didn't eat as much but now, I feel like I had triple the amount of food intake. Being a mommy is no joke. There is no break from being a mommy. Even if I am at work, I'll still be thinking about my baby and I would ask his sitter about him.  This month is just a crazy month for all the teachers. As we're closing up the year, lots and lots of things to be done. Marking exam papers, filling it in the website, streaming classes, report cards, and many more. As I am the AJK of textbook we're even busier as pupils are required to return their textbooks and getting new ones ready for next year. Not to mention the hari anugerah thingy. It gets even tougher at work when the administrator making up new rules. As the serving people like us i guess we'll just have to f

define superwoman. for me, it's an ordinary woman who gets everything together. like everything is being put up perfectly. i dreamed of being one too. i thought it was easy. but heh, life is all about tests right. i thought i could be the woman who does her work perfectly. taking of children while looking good and energetic. putting on makeup. look beautiful. but the reality, i feel like crying most of the time. i am lucky i have this morning all to myself for a moment before my child wakes up and i decided to write this, when in my mind, there's a hurricane of thoughts going on. it's just crazy if you just entered my brain. i read my friend's blog and i feel inspired. i feel like her life, is perfect. she always gets what she wants and she works hard for it. unlike me, i am so freaking lazy that i just wait for people to give it to me. i cant be the superwoman. i know that. just my random thoughts in the morning. 

Lately little Adam keeps saying abah abahh abbaahh.. i dont know at what month should they start talking but i want him to call mama. What i did was, i say the word mama when i looked at his face directly. He smiled. I said it again, he laughed. Does the word mama amuses you my child? Tskk.

I guess the biggest fear for most housewives is not that the laundry hasn't dried but it's the fear of their husbands cheating. To be honest i am one of them. Living far away from my husband I am paying high for the trust. It's not easy given my history.

here goes a story about a colleague of mine who i adored so much.  i guess she started working in SKA around march. when i heard the news we're getting a new science teacher..  in my school, there is always a battle when it comes to new teacher.  sesi pagi nak cikgu baru. sesi petang pun nak cikgu baru. both are claiming lacking with teachers. which is true for both sides. tapi from my observation petang lagi teruk lah looking at cikgu petang punya jadual.  anyway, the first day she went into the morning session but the second day she was assigned to be in the afternoon session.  she took a place in front of me where the teacher there moved last year.  the way i see it, dia sangat murah dengan senyuman.. dia senyum and we did have a nice chat.  setiap hari dia akan datang sekolah dengan mood yang ceria. never once i saw her coming to school with an upset mood. tak pernah tengok dia sedih. tak pernah tengok dia marah. those two emotions, serius cakap, a

this is my labour room story. i had false labour before giving birth. and i was admitted to the hospital with the thought of giving birth but the baby refused to come out yet. so when i was hit with another contraction pain, i didn't really think that the baby was gonna arrive because i had experienced the same pain but the baby didn't come out right. i was admitted to ward that day because i was dilated 2cm. they wanted to monitor. the nurse wanted me to walk to the ward but seeing me having to stop when the pain came, she wheeled me in. it was super painful i tell you. the pain made me forget all the other important stuff until, at 4a.m the nurse knocked my door and told me to unlatch my bra and bring the baby stuff. i was like, oh no, the baby stuff is with my husband. he was not at the hospital at the moment. he was having his sahur at the nearest restaurant. luckily, it was just nearby. so with the contraction and everything i managed to call my husband to bring

A friend of mine asked a question which makes me think for a while. Have you ever felt like a loser? That was her question. It got me thinking, when was the last time i felt like that? To be honest, i cant remember at all. Not that i never felt like that but i just cant remember what had happened until i felt like that. I have my ups and downs. That's life. But then i guess, i am just too busy with my life that i dont really have the time to think about it too much. And i seek motivation from my favorite ustaz by listening to his ceramah. Which i would really likento attend one day.

just now,my husband sent me here. so back to regular normal life where it involves baby, work and other small yet important stuff. I am just so grateful right now for what I have. although it looks lacking and I admit it's true, but I am perfectly happy with what I have now. Alhamdulillah. it is not gonna be easy. but I trust Allah. he is the best planner and he knows what's best for me. all I gotta do is pray for him. Insha Allah he will grant me my wishes. Aamiin. I pray for my husband to be in his blessings all the time. semoga Allah merahmati suami ku atas segala pengorbanan yg telah dia lakukan. Aamiin. I am very tired right now. so I'mma hit the bed. nite peepers. 

Ever heard of a saying, jaga aib orang and Allah akan jaga aib awak. It happened to me recently. I didn't notice it until yesterday. Before this, I love gossiping. I know it is bad. Whenever my colleagues did something wrong and funny, I would tell my friend about it. I didnt shut my mouth. I know. It's just wrong. Here is my story of what happened yesterday. Last time when i did the linus, i turned the result way down. I know. Probabyly because i just failed to have the patience to test each one of them. I became impatient. Then last week, we had a meeting on linus. And the penyelaras, talked about this. I didnt feel wrong at all because in my opinion, the ones i had failed, deserve it. They really didnt know how to read. Boy was i wrong.. In the meeting, one of the teachers requested to let the one who made the linus results dropped to speak about it. Luckily the penyelaras said, he didnt want to reveal the name as to respect this person. Maybe she had her own

I had two classes straight yesterday. And I did my saringan LINUS. I kept complaining that others didn't do my work when I was gone, totally forgetting to thank those who did. Astaghfirullah. Seriously Tak taw hormon apa yg menggangu aku for the past few days. Aku lupa untuk jadi seorang yg kuat dan tak mudah mengeluh dan mengalah. I should be better than this. Lepas buat LINUS dengan kelas yg pertama, aku dah stress rasa tension yg amat then I felt my body weakend. Masuk kelas nombor dua, aku jadi lembik and lemau. Something's wrong. I just knew it. Masa nak buat LINUS dgn kelas kedua tu, aku dah tak larat sangat. So instead buat saringan lisan, I did writing. Bimbing balik yg salah-salah tu. Aku just buat tu. Alhamdulillah mungkin Allah nak tolong jugak, kelas aku time tu takde lah bising mana. Habis kelas tu I thought nak minum something hot. Tapi pantry penuh so aku bancuh air and duduk dengan akak ni. I told her my problem dengan LINUS. Turned out, she had differe

I am a fool. What I said previously was a fool. I was upset and greedy. I wanted to have more than I already have. I was totally stupid thinking what they have is better than what I have. Now, it doesn't really matter anymore. I am feeling content with what I have now. Alhamdulillah. I want to be more grateful in my life. Marrying my husband is the best decision I have ever made. And giving birth to ! my cute son is the greatest thing ever happened to me. Alhamdulillah. Without these two, I won't be who I am today. Alhamdulillah. I won't trade my life with anyone else now. I am happy with my life. I am happy with my work. I am happy with my relationships. Good friends. Alhamdulillah.

well the thing that i posted previously was an honest opinion of what i had think this happened. to be honest, i am still sad thinking about it. my cute friends all told me just to ignore and i'll be fine on my own. guess what, yesterday i made it. i went out shopping here alone. i carried all my bags full of groceries without help. even though now that i think about it, if i had asked the matahari worker to take my groceries to my car, they would be happy to help. who wouldn't wanna help a cute mom carrying her baby? haha. perasan! anyway, it is hard to change others right? so i have decided to change myself. even though being a bitch that i was before, dah was ke eh? haha. i wanna be better than i was yesterday. i wanna be kinder than i was yesterday. never mind what people did to me. my mom would always say, biarlah apa orang nak buat kat kita, nak cakap apa pasal kita asalkan kita tak buat macam depa. and i truly wanna take prophet muhammad as my idol and mentor in l

i have been a little bit upset lately. for the past few days. i thought it was just a small stuff but i dont know why i was pretty much affected by it.  here's the story. my room mate has this wonderful friendship with my housemate which is totally fine by me. meanwhile i, am not so good with this person. there are stuff that she did that bothered me and i know i bothered her too. in what way? i guess it's my loud voice. i am totally gifted to be a teacher cause i have such a loud voice. never mind that.  and then another housemates came in and they have wonderful friendship as well. suddenly i am an outsider. because i was in my confinement for 3 months so they have that plenty of time to know each other and clique.  i tried.  but then maybe there is something in me that they don't like. based on what they did. so it kinda offended me. it was such a small thing i dont know why i am being a baby about it.  but it gets pretty lonely lah when i spent the

Since aku dah mula balik sembang kat group WhatsApp tu, i returned to the old me. I chatted and ranted there. I responded kot if i read em. But they? Baca macam tu je. Biar lah. Nak pretend i am busy lah.

I was mean. I know that and i hate myself for that. I have lots of bad qualities. I know that not a single human in this world is born with perfection. I always know that. But then, for me, *sigh I think i need to seek a therapist. Last time i asked my colleagues if they know any babysitter that i can send my baby to. And guess what? They all kept quiet except for one person. And i was furious. Wanna know why? Because in front of me they seemed to care.. but trust me, they dont give a shit about my life. They asked because they wanted to know and talk about it with their friends. I truly hope that i will be transferred here in perak this October. Because i am afraid i will speak differently with them. Full of harshness. I dont want that. And I truly hope they dont bother me with questions about my baby. I just wanna do my work. I want to pretend i am busy.

I dont know what to say. Last night was truly an eye opener to me. All these while i thought i have somebody to count on. To listen to my women's problem. But hey, i was wrong. And it was devastating to know that. All the while in the car my mind kept thinking of throwing my phone out the window but then i tried not to follow my raging emotions so i didnt. Plus, my husband would be furious if i do that. Haha. Anyway, there was this person whom i think i could relate to.. because among my friends we have the most things in common.. so i thought she would understand and she would listen and respond just the way i did it for her. But nope. When i was rattling about something she would either reply with one sentence or an emoji. Depending on her mood.. i dont know lah. I felt betrayed so much last night. So i deleted my WhatsApp. I am trying to change myself again which i successfully did it for the past few weeks until someone noticed and asked what's wrong with me and why was

I dont know what to say. Last night was truly an eye opener to me. All these while i thought i have somebody to count on. To listen to my women's problem. But hey, i was wrong. And it was devastating to know that. All the while in the car my mind kept thinking of throwing my phone out the window but then i tried not to follow my raging emotions so i didnt. Plus, my husband would be furious if i do that. Haha. Anyway, there was this person whom i think i could relate to.. because among my friends we have the most things in common.. so i thought she would understand and she would listen and respond just the way i did it for her. But nope. When i was rattling about something she would either reply with one sentence or an emoji. Depending on her mood.. i dont know lah. I felt betrayed so much last night. So i deleted my WhatsApp. I am trying to change myself again which i successfully did it for the past few weeks until someone noticed and asked what's wrong with me and why was

Often we think when we get married, everything will fall to its place like a piece of puzzle that fits to a picture. But nope. I hate to break you this but marriage is more than that. Sometimes you will come across a broken vase, or a torn puzzle and you keep wondering is this how it is supposed to be? The answer is YES! You dont always agree with your partner. And that is when communication comes in. You learn to tolerate, discuss the problems and find solutions. All these processes you have to go through in order for both of you to grow up.  And it is not that easy. That is why all you see in dramas are plates flying across the floor.  My marriage is like that as well, skipping the flying plates of course.  At times we argue and we just couldn't stand to be in each other's sight. That is why both of us need the 'me' time. And today, i was upset with my husband because he didn't listen to what i was gonna share with him. So through out the day,

I guess i am blessed with things i didnt even realize. At times my husband can be annoying. I know he'd feel the same way too. But at times he can be as sweet as honey. For instance, last night i was unwell. So he took care of me. I asked him to rub the medicated oil on my back and he did. He even bought medical stamp (koyok) and pasted it on my temples. I slept quite well last night despite the baby waking me up for milk. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything you've been given me.

I guess Allah has his own reasons why he didn't let me see or meet the girl. The only girl I've been envious to in my whole life, for now. I guess i just dont know how am i gonna react when i see her. Or maybe i will be deeply hurt. Or likewise. Even though deep down in my heart, i really wanna see her and have a talk with her. Sincerely.

Thank you abang hensem baju merah tu sebab sanggup tunggu takoyaki lama2 untuk buah hati abang. Sayang abang sgt2.

I changed for the better. I hope no one gets hurt anymore. I just dont want to be my old self.

Betul apa orang cakap. Setiap rumahtangga akan diuji. Bezanya, ujian itu tak sama untuk semua orang. I guess i have to believe that this is my part. This is our test. And both of us have to be strong until we passed the test. Alhamdulillah i have a loving husband who didn't mind putting on stinky(herbal) oil on my legs. It is gonna be tough for a while but it will get better. Ujian diberi untuk hambanya kembali berpaut dan bergantung harap dengan Nya. I cried just now. Because thinking abour it seemed so tough. InshaAllah i will try my best to endure this hardship.

My baby is getting rounder day by day. And it is just amazing how much i love this little guy. I am willing to do anything for him. I guess this is what people call the unconditional love.

I guess i was not upset about him. I was upset with myself. I am disappointed in myself because of the incident. When i used to swear id do anything for him. But turned out i couldnt or maybe, i didnt. It was wrong. I was wrong. Half of me is asking to beg for forgiveness but my ego just wont allow it. He asked me nicely just now if i wanted to eat the food he brought home for me. I answered him with a cold answer. Gosh. Really. Going to poop really does make u think clearly.

I despise it the most when my husband complained i am not doing any house work.  Yes.  I despise it.  Why?  because in my life he had mentioned it before that he had seen someone else did a better job in house keeping. Yes.  I admit it.  I am not good in doing house work. I can hardly cook. I dont know how to clean up the house. Basically, i am lazy. In my own eyes. I dont want to defend myself because i am tired of making excuses for myself. I am just gonna leave it at that. I am lazy. And no man deserves a lazy wife.

Since aku terlebih rajin kan, aku dah kupas siap2 semua bawang2.. then aku siap masukkan dalam bekas. Dah beli siap bekas kecik2 nak masukkan apa2 lah yg nak disimpan dalam peti. Baru lah tak semak. Cenggituu. Then tadi nak masak,nak keluarkan bawang, tah cemana lah aku nih, spesis loqlaq gak pon kan, penutup bekas tu 'terhiris' jari aku. Apa lagi, memang berdarah lah kan. Tapi nasib la sikit ja. Pedih gak la bila bsuh dengan air kan. Tp ok la. Dapat mengada sikit ngn husband. Then, lama dh lepas tu, aku nak sapu minyak telon kt perot anak, totally terlupa yg jari aku ni luka. Pergh. Pedih yg amat. Demi anak kan. Langsung terlupa yg jari aku tadi luka. Huhu. Dalam k luka tu. Siap boleh bukak tutup lagi. Ngilu.

Petang tadi i asked my husband dia nak makan apa utk dinner. I wanted to cook. Then dia jawab, dia kenyang lagi. Tak rasa nak makan nasik pun. 😏😏😏😏 Knowing him he definitely would be hungry jugak so i cakap la, nanti ngadu lapar siap eh. So i cooked my dinner. Dinner bongok2 je. Lauk paprik x jadi. Cuz i main belasah je. Alah, i nak makan sorang. Asal rasa sedap sikit dah la. Dah siap masak and long after, i pun makan. He took turn taking care of lil adam. Lepas i makan, i nak susukan adam lah since dia merengek dah. I picked Adam up from him. Then my husband cakap, ok. My turn to eat. I malas la nak bebel kang orang tu merajuk taknak makan lak. So i biarkan jela. He kept making excuses. "Abang sebenarnya nak makan megi je." " Sayang saje je eh masak banyak nak umpan abang makan kan? Abang tawu dah taktik sayang." "Sayang, abang makan sikit je. Abang saja je nak rasa sayang masak." I tengok je dia. Hahaha. K. Lawak pulak husband i malam n

The greatest blessing for me. Alhamdulillah. Looking at his funny faces everyday. Ok. Hari ni kena jumpa pakar and my husband went to work already. I went back to sleep. Sebab malas nak bangun. Haha.

Alhamdulillah. I have been given a helpful husband who doesn't feel awkward to do house chores. Ok. Sepanjang balik dari raya kat kampung memang urusan baju kotor semua husband yg uruskan. Alhamdulillah. Syukur sangat. Memang tak perlu suruh pun dia sendiri yg basuh. Tadi waktu dinner, aku dah nak habis makan, then baby Adam nangis pulak. Memang lah dia suka jeles ngn mama dia makan berdua ngn papa dia. 😌😌😌 Then i picked him up and dukung sambil makan. Baby Adam nak dinner jugak sebenarnya. So he asked me to finish my meal. Dia suruh aku gi basuh tangan. I didn't expect him to wash all the plates and bowls. Tapi my husband kutip semua and basuh semua.. siap lap meja lagi. Alhamdulillah. Syukur sgt2.

I read this book. One of the author said this, not all good things should be shared with everyone. I find this true after what i had been through for the past few days. Really. Not everyone gives a damn about me and my little life. No one wants to know. So whatever good news i have i should be keeping it to myself. Let them find out on their own. Another thing she said, i'm just gonna summarize it,  we dont need to have what everyone have just to be happy. And what everyone says about you don't really matter. Of course people want to meddle in your business but they can just give opinion, you shouldn't really follow what they say. I need to work on my life principles all over again.

And so i uploaded a picture of my baby. It was an old picture. Not really old but around a month ago. What happened was my friends asked me and they thought my baby was admitted to the hospital. Since i still felt hurt i refused to answer any of their questions. Becoming towards silent reader. I am trying to change myself. I will always update here since i can pour anything into here and not waiting for any response. Ok. Gtg. Need to cook lunch. Though we had rice for breakfast. But still, cooking early makes things easy.

A little advice to me, next time i have to cook dinner, start before dawn okay. Dah mula prepping work around 5.. sebab nanti nak masak pun macam lama kan. Then boleh tinggal masak nasi and pergi mandi sebab gosh, lepas masak wajib berpeluh macam pergi jogging. I have no idea how that happened. Lepas mandi boleh la rilek2 sementara tunggu nasik masak. Nasik masak, and after maghrib dah boleh hidang and makan. So boleh habis awal and by 9 dah boleh rilek2 depan tv or ready nak lipat kain pulak. Haha. Typical mak mak la kan sekarang ni. Every second is precious especially bila ada anak kecik yg fully breastfeed. Rasa tak sempat nak melayan suami pn. Air pun tak sempat nak bancuhkan utk dia. Alhamdulillah kurang2 sempat masak untuk dia. Itupun suami yg uruskan anak kecik ni ha. See, marriage takes lots of commitment​s. It is not always sugary and candy all the time. Tapi curi curi jugaklah masa nak bersweet dua orang. I have to. If not, our marriage will be just normal and i am very par

What my life has turned into. Feeding my son. And doing prep work for cooking. Tonight's menu will be siakap stim. Hope it will taste good.

Maybe i was a little too sensitive. On the second day of raya,i told my friends in the WhatsApp group the story of little Adam in the hospital but turned out no one in the group could care less about my son. Ok. No one responded. So what the heck kan? I was a little bit hurt when they did that. Until now i become the silent reader in the group. Maybe i should stop talking too much. Plus, i am a hardcore user of WhatsApp, but i have no one to chat with. They are too busy with their lives i guess i should be doing the same. Kyron is pregnant now.. i am so happy for her.

22nd May 2017 I went out early from my mother in law's house because I needed to stop by at my aunt's house in Bukit Beruntung. I was having a slight diarrhea at that moment. even my friend was saying, it wasn't gonna be long till the baby's arrival. so, i was okay and from that moment on i was pretty much aware of what was going on with my body.  so my aunt cooked this delicious meal but sadly it was too spicy. i ate it anyway because my aunt is a great cook. then i went to the clinic to check my blood pressure and everything, and the nurse was pretty mad at me because i came in late. so, everything went well for that day except for i had been feeling a little discomfort around my stomach area. i even went to the toilet quite a couple of time but nothing came out.  during my last class, the pain was becoming more severe. but i was still able to drive home and took bath. yes. i did went to the toilet and pooped and of course, it was in liquid form as i s

I am always jealous with stay at home mother. they get to see their husband and do house chores. i know. what is so interesting with house chores? oh yeah, i promised to write stuff about what happened at work. so here goes. last tuesday we had this sukaneka at school. and i had to be the one who wrote down the winners and yes it was super exhausting. and the whole day, i was told to sit down. it was funny. even though i walked like a penguin i still wanted to do my job. i wanted to do my job well despite being 9 months pregnant. that was a lot actually. but then, i had no other choice since i was appointed with that task. never mind that. i felt precious during this month because the teachers were asking me to sit down. haha. there was also this single male teacher, whom i had always joked around because i liked his funny characters, he shouted in front of parents calling out for my names and asked me to sit down. he said, what if you wanted to deliver the baby and the road is al

I am now 35 weeks day 7 pregnant. Tomorrow I'll be 36 weeks pregnant. That just means my baby will be in full term. I am excited. Yesterday one of my classmates had a baby. And everyone was congratulating him and his wife. They did ask about me too.  Now that I am just waiting for the baby to arrive and it is pretty much exciting. My husband can't wait for the baby to arrive. He is the most excited about the baby. Me? I am excited too but I find it scary just the thought of delivering the baby. I don't know the exact weight of my baby and last time about a month ago he weighed exactly 2 kilograms. My husband's cousin said he could grow one kilogram more. I am scared if the baby gets too big but I pray for his well health. As long as he is healthy then it will be fine for me. Hey,today is a holiday due to Wesak celebration though only Indians celebrate it but it's a bonus to all Malaysians since it is a holiday. I didn't go back to meet my husband. I am

Currently it's nearly 6 a.m. and I am wide awake. Well, my eyes do feel heavy but I have this urge to type things down since I am too lazy to open up my book and write something. I can't believe I am now in 34 weeks. That just means my life will be changing for another couple of weeks. I am excited and scared at the same time.  There is not much going on in my life except for continuing living my life as it is. The only excitement that I get day by day is just waiting for this baby, and meeting my husband every weekend. My week, I really look forward to Friday when I can drive myself to my husband. Despite what people have to say about me going traveling all by myself when my due is just few weeks away, I totally enjoy every ride I have. The only moment where I can sit and be by myself, talk to no one and do my thinking this and that. To be honest, I didn't expect my life would turn out this way. Really. Well I do always imagine myself being a housewife, married to s

I feel bad for leaving work early. Leaving the kids at the hands of others. Not that I care so much about them but just the idea of someone has to replace me is quite disturbing.  I thought I was gonna be okay, then at 1p.m. I started feeling out of breath, tired, and my legs were shaking. It was so bad so I had to ask the administrator to let me off early and luckily he was kind enough to let me off.  maybe I wasn't feeling well because I didn't have my lunch just yet. I don't know but I was super tired to care about the kids I just gave them the worksheets and they just did the worksheets though not quietly but still, they did their work.  I completed my work for a little bit then went to see the administrator and headed off to my car. Ok. Now my back hurts. I gotta go and lay down for a bit. 

I honestly thought that the pain will be over for a few days. Man was i wrong about it.  This pain is seriously unbearable. Ni hari keenam sakit pinggang yg amat. Memang susah nak describe sakit tu macam mana. I know. Been whining a lot about this. Tapi dah sakit. Rasa nak mintak painkiller ja and makan. Today ada sukan sebenarnya. Semalam dah masuk tido awal. Around 10. Tapi pagi tadi tido banyak kot so takleh tido plus tengah sakit kan, around 12 gak baru boleh nak lelap kot. Then terjaga, tengok jam, cis, baru pukul 2. Still sakit. So jenuh pusing kiri kanan so that boleh lelap balik.  It was so painful. Tah cemana boleh telelap. Then tersedar balik. Cek fon, baru pukul 4 lebih. Ya Allah. Geramnya rasa. Kenapa takleh tido. Cuba lagik utk tido. Pusing kiri kanan. Letak bantal bawah pinggang tak kena, baring tak kena, mengiring ke kanan tak kena, mengiring ke kiri tak kena. Sudahnya ni lah ceritanya. Tak dapat tido. Cubaan utk tido sambil duduk pun tak jalan jugak. Call h

Ahad. 16.4.2017 Bangun pagi lewat sebab balik lambat tengok fast 8. Nak tidur susah sbb sakit pinggang yg amat. Bangun dari seat wayang macam nak nangis sebab sakit sangat. Turun tangga wayang macam orang tua. Dah la banyak pulak tu tangga nya. Heh. Lepas tu keluar pegi giant. Beli barang masak since peti ais dah sampai. Ada orang request tom yam. Balik tu masak tom yam pulak. Even though sakit pinggang tapi gagah jugak sebab takmau give in sgt dengan sakit ni. During lunch, saw pictures. Tasha shila wearing backless dress. Orang mesia komen la yg negatif. Biasa la kan. Pastu ada gambar artis mesia laki gak, show off body dengan pakai boxer saja and the comments were okay sgt. Takde langsung negatif pasal aurat ke apa. So i told him this. Me: org mesia ni macam2 la. Gambar tasha shila komen negatif. Klu laki tayang body pakai boxer takde lak komen negatif. Him: well, kalau laki bogel ada tak orang nak rogol? Me: takde. Him: kalau perempuan? Me: huh, beratur. Him: taw pun. Oka

Been feeling major backache since yesterday. The pain is still lingering today. Feels like it is getting worse. This morning it was quite okay, but then after i slept and woke up in the afternoon it started to feel worse. Especially after we got into tesco. Had to ask him to walk slowly. Luckily he had been really understanding, wel he has to,since i am the one carrying his baby in my tummy. It was not easy. I talked to my mom and she said it is normal so buat bodoh jelah. And bear with it. What choice do i have. Dear son, haha, please appreciate mommy k. Bukan senang nak berjalan dgn awak dalam perut. Tulang belakang mama ni sakit sgt but mama kuatkan jugak demi baby. So baby pun kena kuat k. Love you. 

last week was an awesome week for me. probably because the work was light. I entered the class only to discuss about the exam questions paper. now that I have keyed in the marks online, everything is almost settled. yes. almost.  my new routine was going back to Ampang on Monday, which I will go straight away to school from my husband's house which is like two and a half hours drive. I really should be taking care of myself. Since I am with him, I forgot how to take care of myself because he did great in taking care of me, even as simple as asking me to go take a bath. hahahahahha. I love doing the free-balling thing with him.  anyway, yesterday, I didn't feel great about work at all. I wasn't motivated. I felt lazy. I felt numb. Nothing positive. luckily I have friends whom I can talk to when I am depressed this way. and they are just there when I needed them. I am glad for all the friends that I could count on.  as according to plan, I wont be going back to

It's been a long time. Today I kinda wake up early, not so much early because I was overly attached with the bed and the pillows. Yesterday, I don't know what had happened, whether it was the food, or not eating that caused my belly to feel very painful. I thought I wanted to go back early from work but I just didn't have the heart to cause trouble to anyone so I just bore with it until I reached home and asked my room mate to drive me to the clinic. It was very painful and I was so much in pain especially when the baby is moving, which was a lot yesterday. Turns out it is quite normal for any women to feel the pain. and the consultation fee was free! awesome. this morning the baby is not much active that i have to poke him around to feel the movement. people say, sometimes the baby is lazy. haha. i dont know lah about that.. i need to take a shower before i go to school, so later. 

I am at the clinic right now.. so many people are here. Looking at pregnant women with their husbands accompanying them I feel a little bit jealous. But I know I have to be strong. For this little aby. If not I wouldn't come at all. For this check up, I will be injected. Quite scary ey? Seriously memang takut. You know how our society macam caring sangat-sangat. Kadang-kadang sampai rimas. Before I got married, memang dok fikir taknak anak sampai lah dapat duduk sekali. But then orang sekeliling asyik pesan and say negative things when it comes to pregnancy. "Jangan plan, nanti tak dapat langsung." I got this before I got married. Can you imagine how I felt then? Memang fikir banyak lah before kahwin tu but then lepas kahwin and bincang dgn husband, he said ada rezeki ada lah. Like that. Like totally berserah kt Allah. Yes. Memang kita taktaw whats gonna happen so memang biar jelah. Takde planning. As a woman, kita taktau how far kita punya kesuburan. Ad or

Just a picture of my husband and the crew for the swimming competition. Funny. I smiled like an idiot looking at my husband. Why in the world does he have to look so good and handsome in the picture. I cant stop staring. Call me crazy hundred times I just dont care. I still adore him so so so much.. he is getting so much handsome these days. I am crazily in love with him. 

Hey it's me again. Wanting to whine I guess.  Pain is everywhere. My tummy is not even big but I feel pain everywhere. Especially if I walk around too much.  How to avoid this? Hm.

Since tomorrow is Valentine, though I'm not celebrating, I want to upload loads of pictures of us here. Yep. He loves taking this type of picture.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  Dulu pakwe makwe, now husband and wife alhamdulillah. 

Today I came in late for my course.. it was a long ride with the traffic at rawang and I was pretty much in stress. I really was. You know when you have everything in plan and when life just doesn't stick to that plan, it just frustrates me so much. This is a rare occasion though because I believe I am a very flexible person. Haha. Big laugh to my face.  It was very tiring for me, and at school I felt like crying because I just wanted to go home and rest. My body was not feeling it hence I was not in the mood of being grateful.  Then I contacted a friend of mine, and she told me about her good news and I am glad for her, truly am. But deep down inside I was feeling jealous of her. Why? Because she gets to live with her husband and I can't. We are different. I really shouldn't feel sorry for myself but since I was pretty damn tired the feeling overrode me.  Then I talked to a friend of mine and I just felt relieved I talked to her. She gave me good advices and

I try not to complaint but this is just bothering me. The pain. Yes. Siapa nak sangka even before bersalin macam-macam sakit ada. Bersalin apatah lagi kan. Ni penyakit sebelum bersalin. At least what I've been through lah. Tak boleh nak buat kerja rumah lebih-lebih. I dont know to what extend yg dikira lebih-lebih, tapi memang boleh rasa la sakit yg datang tu bila buat kerja rumah. Is this mengada? I have no idea. Bukan lah nak mintak excuse or anything, and no I aint complaining. Just nak record rasa and perasaan now. Bangun tadi, takde buat benda teruk pun. Just mandi and terus keluar makan. Then pegi jalan-jalan. Even waktu jalan-jalan tu pun dah rasa sakit tapi kat sekolah okay jer. Hm. Mungkin yg ni lagi banyak kot pergerakan than turun naik tangga kt kelas tu. Now, nak berjalan pun sakit. Tak tipu. Celah kangkang, inner thighs ni, ya Allah sakit yg amat. Even berbaring pon can be painful. Hm. Dugaan ibu mengandung eh? Tu jelah kot nak cakap. Malam ni sakit-saki

I am crying in the car right now. Such a crybaby. A lot of things have been going on in my mind and I am not comfortable. Emosi orang pregnant memang camni ke eh? Or mungkin aku penat sgt2. Letih sampai benda kecik pun aku nak nangis. Kisahnya, kena marah dengan motor in front of school sebab aku tak sabar nak keluar. Yelah.. he shouted in front of everybody, 'sabar lah!' Yes. I admit. Memang aku tak sabar. Try lah suruh pregnant lady yang dah turun naik tangga seharian sabar. I cant. I lost it just now. And the best part when I told my husband about this he did not calm me and back me up which upset me even more. It was small stuff. Really. Kalau pikir balik dua tiga minggu lagi memang akan gelak je bende ni or mungkin akan lupa jer. Tapi right now, entah. I have no one to tell about this. Guess what, skang kat depan rumah lagi. Tak masuk pun lagi. And I lost my appetite. Can I not eat? Afterall, dia cakap, pandai-pandai la jaga perut sendiri. Makes me want to

Susahnya nak bercinta lepas kahwin. Can't believe I am saying this but this is so true. Ok. My last post was about this lah kan lebih kurang but this is kinda the mix language punya versi. Lepas kahwin, immediately terus macam terikat dengan satu komitmen rumahtangga. Yg wife, sibuk kena uruskan rumah this and that. Yg husband, banyak fikir pasal future plans for family. Bukan plan nak tambah family yer, well I am speaking about my husband. Yelah, nak beli rumah, nak settle down especially for newlywed kan. So macam dah terikat sangat dgn komitmen tu sampai nak duduk berdua and just sit together and talk about us pon kadang tak sempat. Yang sempatnya talk about work, pastu cakap pasal planning. Nak masak apa, apa nak buat, barang apa nak kena beli.  Life as a new married couple has been so busy that we forget to bercinta again.  Padahal, seronok kot, jalan saja2 pegang-pegang tangan and such. Making jokes. Sembang other than our circle of life.  Kes tu lah yg si h

i am now with him for nearly 5 years now. we've been dating since the last 4 years and last september we tied the knot after so many obstacles, cries, pains and bad memories. for me, 2016 was my changing year. i become who i am now because of what i've been through in 2016.  anyway, what i wanted to say is, when you're married, it is really hard for us to be in the love mode. both of us were present at a time was probably because we are committed to it. to the marriage.  but then, last sunday, we went out. dating. i forget the back pain, and all the pain that i am going through (i'm pregnant). and it was just sweet. revisiting our old dating places.  first we went to ipoh for a purpose. then, he drove to Padang Polo Ipoh, which was a place we frequently went as a couple. and it was really nice to have those moments with him. first, when we parked the car, we both relaxed in the car. and we stared at each other like, you know those love birds who have just

when i went to work last wednesday it was a very stressful day for me. so as usual, i made my husband his drinks before i went to KL, and everything went smoothly that morning for me.  initially i wanted to service my car since it had reached 40K km. luckily on the highway there were not that many cars and it just went on smoothly. i drove happily and then i went to the service center. but unfortunately it was full. so i booked an appointment for 9 o'clock. then i went back home and got some rest before i went to school.  at school, here comes the thing that ruined my day but somehow i found it amusing in the end.  my friend told me that i had to go to the meeting in PPD the next day and it just ruined my plan. i had an appointment. so then i needed to change the schedule. i was pretty upset that day. and super stressful that i made a decision to quickly fill in the forms of egtukar.  zohor. after i performed the prayer, there was this teacher asking about my mate