Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

i love to give exercise to my pupils. but i love to write on the board and have my pupils copy down the exercise. to me it is relevant because one, they will read what has been written, number two, they can improve their handwriting. but if ever, there are parents who would want to complain to me about not giving his/her child a worksheet i will lay out this to the parents. 1 worksheet = 5 cent. my students = 106 pupils times that for one worksheet each, i have to spend rm53 one day for just one worksheet. that is for one day of teaching. one week, there are 5 days of schooling. okay. let's multiply that. RM53 x 5 =  RM265 RM265 for one week. one month we have 4 weeks. so let's multiply again. RM265 x 4 = RM1060. one month if i were to give worksheet everyday to my kids, i would have to spend RM1060. okay, one whole year of schooling we have about 11 months. shall we multiply em again? i think you get my point now.

Thank you Allah. For the abundance you have given me. Dia dah dapat posting. Alhamdulillah dia dapat posting dekat sekolah kebangsaan. Bukan sekolah jenis kebangsaan Tamil macam kawan-kawan dia. Lebih dari bersyukur dah. Semoga aku dan dia tak alpa dan sombong dngan nikmat yg Allah berikan kp kami. Inshaallah. Ramai yg cakap tu rezeki kahwin. Taktau la sejauh mana kebenaran tapi kami syukur dan terima seadanya. Macam-macam dugaan yg dah kami lalui semoga hati ini akan terus kuat.  Aamiin.  Abang!  Tahniah syg ucapkan. Jom kita bina hidup baru kita eh. 

Takziah diucapkan kepada encik tunang dan keluarga di atas kehilangan ayahanda tercinta. I was in the toilet when he called me, thrice. He was screaming and yelling at me when i called him back. I thought i did something wrong. Then he told me that something happened to his father. Shocking news. His father had passed away. Innalillah. Alfatihah.

You are fat.  You are ugly. I have received these remarks on and on in my life. Even now. At times I felt down an upset. I gave them the right to feel like they are right which was wrong. Very wrong. I used to beat myself up because of this matter. Now that i am getting married people love to ask me to watch it. Especially when i eat. You know what?  I dont like it. Then i just ignore their remarks.  I eat what i want to eat when i want to eat.  here's a thing,i like it the way i am. I love my body even it is full of flaws in people's eyes. I dont care. It is not you who paid for my food. Dont give them the right to ruin your day. You are just fine IF you like your body the way it is.

Today we have jamuan ry at school. While the teachers are busy preparing the food, more like organizing actually, i went to year 5 tent because my friend was there, and i was done with my work there.  So my friend said to me, what are you doing here,  go to your tent.  I was offended.  She was only joking.  I had bad experience in friendship. I was not a good friend. I know that. Here i am, sitting in the teacher's room writing this and also writing my lesson plan. 😢😢😢😢😢

I did something bad today. I had always been angry at this one particular kid. When i scolded him he would smile. Rudely. As if i am the joke. I hold that anger for too long. And today i blew up. I got so angry with him and i said the worst thing to him. I know. I am at fault. I am the adult here and he is just a kid. But i can't control him. He likes to talk back without me asking. I know he is just a human and is just normal for him to be like that but we are not living in America. We are living in a country with politeness and respect towards the elders. I just dont know how to react to this monster.

There is a reason why i put these up. Recently i am quite frustrated with my housemates but it is not like i can do anything about their particular behaviour. So i was the culprit who told the owner about the girl who slept in the living room. But i pretended it wasn't me because she once did the same thing as me. This girl didnt want to admit that she was wrong. That is why she acted like that. I cant stand how dirty the house is. Then and now. Now that the Owner told me not to put personal belongings in the living room, i took everything upstairs yesterday. I was freaking upset and angry yesterday because my fiancee didn't let me to move out. That was the story of last night.

alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. it means, thanks Allah. right now, i try to be positive. even though it is a very challenging thing for me, but i still want to do it. yes it is a challenge especially right now. money crisis. work load and everything. a lot of things need to be managed but thanks Allah (alhamdulillah) for the time He has given me. soon, i will be living on my own for a month and then i am building my life with the man i love and we are going to live together after we got married. inshaAllah. i guess i am just super blessed right now to have my dreams come true. the decision i made without consulting my parent because i trust myself now more than ever. after all i am an adult. i will just inform my parents later after a while i moved in.. i hope they will be pretty supportive about this. i will talk later yeah. hope so. 

i want to teach the kids about life. but the education system does not provide me with the right time to do just that. i want to make them experience the whole world. enjoying life a little. and not being too rigid. i want them to know it is okay if you are not good in English as long as they respect their teachers, their friends. i know i am not perfect. i have so many sins. at times i feel hopeless just seeing them. at times i feel pity of them. BUT i guess wanting to achieve the level of what we call 'standard' i forget the kind of teacher i want to be. i forget about it is okay if they are less bright than others. it is okay if they make mistakes. they are learning. and it is not a sin to make a mistake in a world of language. as long as they love and enjoy it, then it is okay for me. i forget. instead, i became a teacher who is very strict and fierce and making sure they do their homework has become my priority instead of making sure that learning ta

ok. semalam meeting cakap semua murid ada dalam dewan sampai rehat. hari kejadian. program banyak kosong. kosong! budak-budak bercakap, cikgu semua malas amik port and plus not everyone was there at the dewan pon. i guess gb marah lah kut. cikgu-cikgu lain main phone including me and the kids were chaotic in the dewan. so dia suruh budak-budak balik kelas and guru mata pelajaran masuk kelas. dafuck man?  semalam waktu meeting kau diam. dah berapa lama buat program? cemana kau luluskan program tu? hari kejadian kau nak ubah macam-macam? pastu kau nak upset bila cikgu-cikgu duduk saja kat tepi tu dok main phone.  abes, waktu budak dapat derma tu cikgu-cikgu kat sebelah kena buat apa? tepuk tangan? hooray. camtu?  paling best ada ja cikgu yang tak turun pon kat dewan tu. dah tu cemana?  nak marah sapa? dah la kebiasaannya kalau nak cuti seminggu ni, macam-macam kejadah dia mintak. nak siapkan lesson plan harini, hari isnin bukak raya nanti. macam tak leh nak faham. i