Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Good morning and happy Saturday guys. it is still early and i didn't want to go back to sleep because i think it will block the positive aura out of me. so, here i am, wishing you guys good morning.  today i have to attend the kursus kahwin and inshaAllah. i can't wait for our families to meet. may Allah ease everything. i really want to do this.  as of yesterday i was feeling down, i talked to him. i miss him so much actually. he treated me like his only girl and i feel right again. thankfully. so for two days i have to attend this course may everything will go well.. inshaAllah. planning this involves lots of thinking. no kidding. now that i always think of it i become nervous and panicked at the same time. will i be able to handle all the matters. will i make it? but i really really want to be with him this september. semoga dipermudahkan semuanya. 

I guess this has made my day. I was comparing again and it sucks. It made me question and hate myself. I am no longer in a positive mood. I need him by my side telling me i am beautiful no matter what. It is hard to be me that i used to be. It is hard to gain back all the positivity i once had in my life. It is like i am becoming a different person and i hate that. I love the old confident and positive me. Where has all the energy gone to? I have no idea. lord help me please.

the house smells like heaven from my room mate's cooking. but to be honest i dont want to eat. i dont even know what i want. maybe i should just lay down and stop thinking for a while. that's what i do when i have nothing better to do. thinking non stop and it brought me at a strange place that i can't go back. figuratively of course. maybe i should just let it go. let it pass. let these feelings go away on their own and not trying to solve it. just stop lah am. 

MY feelings are all mixed up now. I miss him so bad. Whenever i watch bubzvlogz i miss him even more. The guy i love. I would spend my whole life with him and can never be bored. I missed him so much till i cry. He called me when he woke up and he said he didnt want me crying over missing him. He hated seeing me cry. I know but i am such a crybaby. Anyway, moving past the past, i am looking forward for the future. Next day and the following day and the day after. I guess i just love the idea one day ends and the new one is coming in. I like it when time flies fast and when i sit down and think back, i am just grateful that i am here now. Living. Breathing. Just having my own sweet of my life. I got home last night around 12 a.m. And i went down to sleep around 1am. Then i was awake already at 5. 30 probably because that was my normal time to wake up. Then i went back to sleep and woke up again at 6. 30. I tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt so at 7 i woke up and took a shower.

what was my previous entry eh?  oh, heck it. i cant remember. now i have some time to kill, and i did my job so i am just going to sit down and write this quietly.  sometimes problems in life are there to just test you. God is looking at us and wanting to see what would our reactions be when He gives us the tests. man, i admit, i failed at most tests. i can't be patient enough, i am whining too much.  for example,  on monday, my friends and i went to a supermarket because we wanted to buy some stuff.  then, i bought this milk, and i didn't open it yet because well, at that time i didn't feel like drinking it. then i cooked us some fried rice, and we ate and we had leftover which i thought i wanted to bring to the school the next morning. i woke up early and went downstairs to see that the fried rice had been eaten!  i thought it was my roommate. so i didn't mind. then i wanted to drink my milk and i opened it and guess what? the seal was op

Is it relevant now to check ur spouses' phone? I think you should. If you declare urself to be a husband and wife, there should be no secret between the both of u. if she wants to check your phone, let her be. Why not? There is nothing to hide right? Now,i cant let it happen again so i constantly check his phone. He liked to tease me now because of it. We are happy.

You never know how courageous you are until you are in a situation where you have two choices; be brave or be dead. People say you dont wait for courage, you build it. I have always stick to the sayings. i know i am incapable of changing everything and putting things back to where they were. That is why everyday is like a battle for me. Putting on efforts and not giving up for one second. But i did take a break though, to energize myself before i continue the battle. To all of you who are fighting, remember, you are brave. You just gotta build it and look deeper in your heart. Most importantly, never never give up.

Love is complex. Love is complicated. Love is happiness. Love is hurt. There are just so many definition of love. Well, at least for me if you ask me to define it. Love and hate. The feelings that always conquered our life. We just cant run away from it. You can do something to stop these two feelings and that would be to stop living. Even schizophrenic has feelings. My love life. It is too complicated right now. To be honest, i am in pain. I thought i wont be in this place anymore but here i am, in the pain room. It is suffocating. It drives me crazy. This heart, it is too fragile now. It cant fall again. If it does, then it'll break into million pieces and there is no way to glue them back together. That is just how fragile my heart is right now. I dont know if i should consider myself lucky or just plain unfortunate. I dont know where i am in that two categories. If people say, i get what i want in life then they are wrong. I hardly  ever. I am just putting my thoughts into

This is my favourite picture of us. I just love this guy so much.

it's April. well, ain't it obvious?  now that things get back to normal, i am pretty much relieved. good things are coming this month. i am sure of it. i am wishing and praying for more good things to come.  now it's april, that i realized that we're reaching quarter of the year! soon without realizing, it'll be may, and then i will have 6 more months to go before the school is over. hm. 6 months. can't wait to finish this year already. wishing for more good things to come. or working hard for more good things to come.  i was super busy for the last few weeks or perhaps, last months. i was constantly not around here in Ampang and i did my best to be with him all the time. my advice, if you really love someone, try your best to make it work. but make sure both parties are trying too.