Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Kronologi: Aku submit segala borang untuk pengesahan jawatan. Kemudian aku tanya the pic tentang pergerakan gaji aku. Dia jawab, selagi urusan pengesahan jawatan tak selesai, selagi tu la tak boleh nak uruskan pergerakan gaji. Aku bagitahu la dia. Kawan aku pun tak sah jawatan lagi tapi dia lulus je pergerakan gaji? After that dia jawab, ikut negeri. Me being stupid aku pun balas, oh, okay. And i left.  Aku still macam pelik la. Kenapa pulak macam tu kan? So i made a call. I made a call to the ppd. Niat aku, aku nak tanya lah. Betul ke macam tu. Aku takde la pulak cakap apa-apa. Aku just nak maklumat pengesahan je. Betul ke kalau belum sah jawatan gaji tak naik? Kalau betul macam tu kenapa dua tahun lepas, aku masih belum sah jawatan, gaji naik macam biasa? Ada tempoh ke? She said, dia tak tahu. Kerja diorang di ppd just key in maklumat je. And she asked me to ask the pic. Before she hung up dia tanya la sekolah mana? Nanti dia akan call dan berurusan dengan pic tersebut.  Lepa

This morning I saw the news that went viral. The babysitter claimed that the baby was taken by stranger who got into the house. So the parent viraled the picture seeking society’s help in finding their baby. Somehow the police said the statement made by the babysitter was very vague. So they searched the house. The baby was found dead and be kept in a fridge.  Can you believe how cruel is this? As a mother every morning when I go to work it just kills me that I need to send my baby to be taken care of by someone I do not know of. It just breaks my heart seeing him cry when I go to work and this happens not every morning but when he does, I am worried sick at work.  Kalau ikutkan memang. Semua ibu kat dunia ni nak jaga anak sendiri. Takde ibu yg nak for something bad to happen. Walaupun ada. Tapi kebanyakkannya memang nak anak tu membesar depan mata. Meskipun kadang-kadang semua ibu ni ada love hate relationship dengan anak masing-masing. Haha. I am speaking about me though. 

Entry 24.6 Whenever i wanna tell dearest friend about my problems, there are doubts and thoughts. First, i think of will my problems burden my friend? Second, i know that whining about it wont give me solutions and it will create more problems.  So, instead of telling my friends about my problems what i always did was finding motivational stories. And i pent everything inside. I didnt tell anyone in the end.  It’s not that i dont have dearest friends who dont mind listening to my problems, i just think that’s me. That i feel ashamed of my problems and i feel like my problems are smaller than the others and i should just settle things my own way.  To my friend shidah, it’s not that i dont wanna share it with you. I just dont share it with anybody including my husband. 😂 However i feel i keep everything inside or i would rant it on twitter or WhatsApp status. Sometimes i feel like my brain is so full of thoughts and unsolved problems and i just wanted to scream