Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

it is such a lovely day today. i went to the school meeting as usual and everything was okay. i didnt get lots of posts which i am totally grateful about.  then i went to the clinic for my checkups and everything is fine as well. even my HB is nice according to the nurse. except for my weight gain. i gained one kg in a month. haha. because appetite is coming my way so i was hungry most of the times and most of the times i would like to have if not something spicy, i'd have something sweet.  then, i wanted to sleep but couldn't because i was so hungry. so i ended up cooking instant noodles but i did put various vegetables in it. then halfway through i felt the baby moving, so i stopped. i just finished the vegetables and the tomatoes were so delicious. i love it.  oh yeah. during the checkup the nurse did ask about the baby movement but i was blur when she asked me. so she kinda explained how it felt and i was relieved because that was what i had been feeling all t

Here is a rant. Today i went to a baby expo. As usual lah, places like that, there are lots of promoters. Never mind that, so as we were walking, at first there was this promoter explaining about child development since before birth. Yes i knew about that. Then she walked with us and taking no for an answer but then she gave up. While we were surveying baby strollers and car seat, another promoter came and stop us but we refused, again. Third time, another promoter came and stopped me. She gave me the pamplet. And tried to talk me into buying that stuff la. Here was the conversation. Promoter: kak, have u heard about child development befofe born? Me: (decided to lie a bit) yes, i have sat down and listened. Promoter: why didnt u buy? (With a shocking face like i murdered somebody) Me: it is not in our budget. Promoter: why are you being so calculative when it comes to your child education? What the heck man? If i dont wanna buy, I DONT WANNA BUY? you think every little stu

assalamualaikum wbt.  yesterday was a wonderful day to me. because my husband did a surprise for me. we went out last night and celebrated my birthday with my husband and his friends. i thought he wanted to go back home late at night, at 12. but then while i was waiting in the car he got into the car and we went back home early.  before we went to sleep he wished for my birthday and then both of us slept right away. waking up this morning he drove to our house cuz he had a meeting and then i drove to Ampang and went straight away to the clinic.  because i wanted to do the pink book for the baby.  soon as i went to the clinic, met the nurses. she said i wasnt supposed to do the book there. gosh... then i went to the clinic mentioned and it turned out i can't do the book that day because it was already late. i cried because i supposed to go to school. i cried in the car so much because i was so stressed. i cried and was very emotional. i was alone and i felt like it

this weekend was amazing. every weekend of mine now is amazing because i get to spend time with him.  yesterday was his convocation day. i am so proud of him. despite of all the things that happened to him, his family and us, he still managed to put on a smile on his face and he is really content about his life.  i cried when he wanted to go home. when we're sleeping in my car because both of us were exhausted. i cried while he was sleeping. so hard. because it is sad to watch him leave like that. i want him by my side everyday.  he wiped my tears and then it started to rain so we went for a 2 hours karaoke session. i am so glad i get to hold him and hug him as much as i want even though those weren't enough. wanted to go back to him but my responsibility is here. then my egtukar result came out. i cried again because i didn't pass the transfer. he wiped my tears again and told me it's okay. we can try again. he really has a way to make me smile while tear

When did i lost my ring? Just now. I felt like a total idiot. And i was panicked. My day started out like this. I remembered the last time i used my car, my gas was still half tank full. But today all of sudden, there was three bars left on my display. So my plan got disrupted because i wanted to go to the 7eleven. But since i needed to fill up my gas, i went to the petronas instead. i entered the station, i forgot that i had to top up my touch n go card. So i went back to my car and took my touch and go card. Then i filled up the tank then i went to school straight away. Half way to school, i remembered i had to call my husband at 6.30 but it was already 7 in the morning. So he was kind of mad, i apologised but he was in a hurry so he didnt accept my apology. So i went to school. I did my usual thing and entered the classroom. While i was sitting in the class i noticed my wedding ring was not on my finger. I was n panicked. i called my housemate to check if i left it in my room.

And so today I came late to work. Of course i spent my weekend with my husband and the in laws. Tbh, i had a great time last weekend. I wanted to tell how i spent my weekend but this is the entry about me who was late to school. I slept early last night because i needed to wake up early. So i woke up at 4. Actually i opened my eyes at 3 in the morning but who takes shower at that time huh? So when my alarm clock burst out its ringtone ag 4, i woke up and went straight ahead to shower. 4 in the morning bebeh. It was so cold! I was freezing from the cold shower. Thought i could die from the coldness i went to bed and cuddled in my blanket and into my husband's arms. It felt so good i didnt want to leave. 4.30 i woke up and went to iron my baju kurung and my ibu was already up. I was ironing and she wanted to boil water for me. Didnt want to trouble her so i refused nicely. Heh. Like reading novel ey. So after preparing to go to school, my sister in law made breakfast for me.so i

Had a fight with him today. Haha. All because of we were late to go for dinner, i wanted to eat at nandos since he promised, but the traffic was quite heavy so he was kinda mad to people who drove slow. Then while we were at the mall, he scolded me for walking super slow. I was walking in wedges. Huhu. That was why i was upset with him. Then i bought Starbucks for myself and cakes for him. As to celebrate his birthday yesterday. But in the car i pretended to sleep. Then he brought me to nasi lemak ayam kampung which is a popular restaurant in ipoh. The waitress was standing there for us to order. He asked me what do i want to eat. I just refused to eat. So he ordered two plain rice. One bowl of mixed tomyam. Chicken and fried eggs. I was still in sulking mode but with a stern face he ordered me to eat. So i just ate without arguing. Then i was fine again. Luckily the food was delicious. Haha. Then we parked somewhere and got some sleep before our movies started. Now i am standing

some people are plain ridiculous. like seriously. sometimes it amused me, sometimes i do think they're annoying but anyway it just parts of my life that i have to go through everyday. for instance.  there was a time when i went out with my colleagues which i don't do often because i don't want to be involved with after work relationships like really. just because the three of us always hanging out does not mean that we always spent our time together. there was time when we just didn't have everyday conversation at all but we're still fine the very next day.  so today i was quite annoyed with some of the colleagues' remarks.  A: wouldnt it be great if i can go to this place *mentions the place that we went to* (spoke damn loud) me: go lah. nearby right.  A: nobody wants to ask me  me: i was the driver only what. that's why i get to eat.  B: eh, we weren't talking about you.  me: what's there to hide, you've known it for a f

rest in peace brangelina recently there is a news outbreak regarding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's separation. and i read something about this from the page truth slap. quoted truth slap in facebook: 1. there will never be a perfect relationship. sometimes, what we see on their social media accounts is the way opposite of the real situation. 2. trust your instincts. it has been reported that angelina has long been feeling that brad is cheating on her. then, she was right at the end. 3. being strong. angelina was even the one who filed the divorce. she's so strong that even if it hurts, she has to do it. 4. be independent. even if they will soon be on their separate ways, angelina can stand because she earns a living. she doesn't depend on her husband. 5. a cheater will always be a cheater. brad has long been rumored to have multiple relationships even before he met angelina. 6. some boys will always fall out of love once you are no longer

I guess as a human being, we love giving advices to people, even when they dont ask for it. Why? Maybe because we care about them? Or perhaps we want to show them how perfect we are and they have to take every little advices given by us for them to succeed. Some people succeed because Allah give permission for it to succeed. Even if somebody has followed the same steps from A till Z, if Allah does not give permission then it wont happen. Really. I have no point actually. I am just saying and typing my random thoughts probably because i am so bored waiting for us to get a locker. He asked me to sit down with all of our stuff so that he can play games while waiting in the line. I rolled my eyes at him and followed his instruction as a wife must do. Urgh. Cant wait to be in water because it is freaking hot here. Spot him playing game.

People care too much or dont at all? There are people who loooveeee shoving things and their beliefs down people's throats. Dont they know? If someone is to behave a certain way, he/she would have done that. Yes you can show them they way but you cant hate them not wanting to follow what you preach. I am sleepy and a bit angry. But whatever. Goodnight.

My first movie with husband. Yes. It is now official that we are a married couple. We watched train to busan while my brother and sisters watched one piece gold. We had fun.

Ilmu mekap sangat lah luas. Bukan nak kata aku ni expert. Big no no. Based on my experiences, which is tak banyak pun tapi ada gak la dalam 5 tahun menjadi pengguna mekap tegar, i have learnt few things which I'm gonna share em here. No 1 Choose the best foundation. Ni memang penting. Sebab apa? Satu, dia adalah alas kepada mekap yg lain. No dua, kalau salah pilih boleh buat muka jadi kusam and kau kena guna mekap hari2 for the rest of ur life which of course la kan sapa lah mau. Sebab kalau tak mekap muka nampak kusam. No 2 For lipsticks, atau apa2 lah utk bibir, guna lah brand yg mahai sikit. Jangan beli brand yg murah murah. Bahagian bibir ni macam sensitif sikit. Kalau kau salah guna product, kesan yg kau akan dapat memang cepat. And tak salah mencuba sebab different people have different reactions to things. So kau kena banyak cuba. Aku pernah ja salah pakai lipstick and aku tau ianya tak sesuai bila mana keliling bibir rasa kasar and rasa ada biji2 tumbuh. And that lipsti

It is nearly 4 a.m. and i couldnt make myself sleep again. I woke up and tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt.  My wedding is three days away. To think back i really am grateful to Allah for giving me the chance to build a family with him. I pray for marrying the right person. Who loves me for who i am and not what i am. To think back for what had happened earlier this year, my emotions came again. All of my feelings and each of every moment that has happened, .... There is no more words to describe how i had felt before and now. I know i shouldn't be thinking much about the past because i have no power to change it anymore, but i like to go back to the past at times to remind myself how strong i actually am and just how lucky i am to be able to be with him. I still remember asking him to marry someone else and i even asked him to promise me to marry that person. With swollen eyes due to our break up,he didnt want to make that promise with me. I even told him, i cant be happy

Kisah ayu aziz. I am nobody to her. Like tak kenal pun. She chose to put her personal life for public to read. Which is i have nothing against that. Dia punya keputusan. It is her decision.  At first people sympathized with her. Yelah. Sebab kes suami pukul isteri then took her son away from her. Salah siapa? I have no idea. Sebab things happened for a reason. I always believed in that.  Orang sekarang dah jadi judgemental. They think they have a right to tell people what to do. The looooveee giving advices. But when people dont follow the advices given they stay away. Come on.  Really? Then ayu decided utk berbaik semula dgn suami dia and people went frantic because of this. Kenapa? Kenapa kau nak sangat ayu tu bercerai dgn suami dia? Yes. Dia buat salah. He knew that. He is ready to change. Orang kutuk dia dengan teruk i guess. Sampai dia boleh post stuff like that on fb. Tell u what people, biarlah. Tu keputusan dia. Tu kehidupan dia. Why do u want to be a God in her situat

I am a terrible partner. He didn't tell me he is in trouble and he let the burden be on his shoulder on his own. I wasn't aware of that and i have no right to interfere with his family's matter. With our wedding is gonna be near soon, i am sure he is in a lot of stress. And here i am crying because i am just a terrible partner. For what i have known i am in this relationship with the equation of we deal with it together. If it is up,up we go, if it is down, down we are. I was just selfish enough not to think of him and his situation. I hate myself now and ever. I promised myself and him to make him happy but now what do i do? He feels terrible right now and i do nothing. I am gonna hold on to this one guy because nobody made me as crazy happy as him.

now that i am in three weeks away from stepping into marriage, it kind of scares me. it terrifies me a lot just thinking about it. now the centre of my decision will not be around me anymore. every decision i should be making afterwards must be discussed with my husband. well, of course not mostly everything but still, there will a lot of decisions that i cant make it on my own anymore.  soon, there won't be time for me to be carefree. like, just one of the days i feel like indulging myself with home spa that i did to myself. for example, i would be listening to music while putting on cucumbers on my face. yes, there are days where i will spend at least one hour just for my face treatment. T_T  there won't be times when i can just sit lazily and watch videos all day and not thinking of cooking. and can't be bothered to cook if i am lazy and just be hungry. no. not anymore but i am sure there are plenty of good things that are coming that i wish to have such as

how simple happiness can be.  some might think happiness comes from the marriage. but no, i am a human being just like the rest of the people on earth, am saying, happiness is everything that is easy around you.  it made me happy that i got to eat good food today. [Alhamdulillah]  it made me super happy when i was supposed to pay RM280 for the repair of my laptop but the kind hearted man gave me back RM10. i was super happy. really happy.  life is simple. man makes it complicated. don't make your life complicated. 

hi. today i feel a bit like a failure. the education system. i am tired of all these. pushing us to the limits. i know we can make impossible things possible, but all of that shouldnt be put on the teachers' shoulders only. they asked us to teach as usual. cuma kurangkan sikit objektif pdp tu. are you freaking nuts? these kids cant even read and you expect them what?? telling us what to do this and that. it takes a lot of time money and effort and passion. this is not how the kids should be learning English. no. this aint the way. perlu ajar ikut silibus or language itself? because those are two different things.

Assalamualaikum. my laptop is just on so i have a thought and imma write it down pretty much quickly. what is wrong with being nice? i heard some people telling me, stop being so nice lah. baiknya hang.. in a sarcastic tone. i mean, what's wrong with being nice? for all i know our prophet does not limit us to do any form of kindness as long as it does not bring any harm to another living things. so, why are there such people telling me to stop being nice? even though most of the times i am mean. yeah. most. this is just for self improvement.. to my dear self, it is okay for being too nice. even though you are being beaten down or being a coolie to others. one day, inshaAllah you are gonna be granted for all your kindness. we are. soon. if God's will. let us all be nice and kind to each other. 

good morning. it's been a while. i've been caught up with work and every time i think of something to write i kinda postpone it. now i have some free time so i am just gonna go ahead and make everything short and sweet. my wedding is only a month away. and yes at times i felt suffocate thinking about it. but, i am enjoying my life way more now. i appreciate things more. and every moment is just too precious. because soon, i wont have the same freedom anymore. yesterday, i have 7 periods in school. at first, i hated it. to enter other's class. then after i got used to it, i am okay now. even better actually. because i dont have the time to spend for gossips and listen to others' rants. then after i'd finished all my classes, i went to the canteen because my stomach was empty and i ate freaking lamb! too excited for it, it made my body weak. i didn't realize it until it was too late. then we (rai and kak maha) went to tanjung malim for her to submit her t

i know i have promised to tell you about the story of my engagement but the internet was so f*ing slow so i had to cancel uploading the pictures. well, immah try give it a shot with the wifi here.  the hantaran. haha. it looks weird.  was being photobombed. as upon his request to wear a flower crown.  waiting for the guests.  the guests OMG freaking nervous!  my mom is on the left, and my mother in law is on the right. my uncle said my mom and my mother in law look alike!  that is my future husband / fiance  showing off the ring but got blurred cutting cake ceremony alright. the school wifi is not so bad. i managed to upload bunch of DSLR pictures.  so that was about it. alhamdulillah for such sufferings i had gone through this is the silver lightning of everything i guess? haha happy engagement day dear self. :) 

i love to give exercise to my pupils. but i love to write on the board and have my pupils copy down the exercise. to me it is relevant because one, they will read what has been written, number two, they can improve their handwriting. but if ever, there are parents who would want to complain to me about not giving his/her child a worksheet i will lay out this to the parents. 1 worksheet = 5 cent. my students = 106 pupils times that for one worksheet each, i have to spend rm53 one day for just one worksheet. that is for one day of teaching. one week, there are 5 days of schooling. okay. let's multiply that. RM53 x 5 =  RM265 RM265 for one week. one month we have 4 weeks. so let's multiply again. RM265 x 4 = RM1060. one month if i were to give worksheet everyday to my kids, i would have to spend RM1060. okay, one whole year of schooling we have about 11 months. shall we multiply em again? i think you get my point now.

Thank you Allah. For the abundance you have given me. Dia dah dapat posting. Alhamdulillah dia dapat posting dekat sekolah kebangsaan. Bukan sekolah jenis kebangsaan Tamil macam kawan-kawan dia. Lebih dari bersyukur dah. Semoga aku dan dia tak alpa dan sombong dngan nikmat yg Allah berikan kp kami. Inshaallah. Ramai yg cakap tu rezeki kahwin. Taktau la sejauh mana kebenaran tapi kami syukur dan terima seadanya. Macam-macam dugaan yg dah kami lalui semoga hati ini akan terus kuat.  Aamiin.  Abang!  Tahniah syg ucapkan. Jom kita bina hidup baru kita eh. 

Takziah diucapkan kepada encik tunang dan keluarga di atas kehilangan ayahanda tercinta. I was in the toilet when he called me, thrice. He was screaming and yelling at me when i called him back. I thought i did something wrong. Then he told me that something happened to his father. Shocking news. His father had passed away. Innalillah. Alfatihah.

You are fat.  You are ugly. I have received these remarks on and on in my life. Even now. At times I felt down an upset. I gave them the right to feel like they are right which was wrong. Very wrong. I used to beat myself up because of this matter. Now that i am getting married people love to ask me to watch it. Especially when i eat. You know what?  I dont like it. Then i just ignore their remarks.  I eat what i want to eat when i want to eat.  here's a thing,i like it the way i am. I love my body even it is full of flaws in people's eyes. I dont care. It is not you who paid for my food. Dont give them the right to ruin your day. You are just fine IF you like your body the way it is.

Today we have jamuan ry at school. While the teachers are busy preparing the food, more like organizing actually, i went to year 5 tent because my friend was there, and i was done with my work there.  So my friend said to me, what are you doing here,  go to your tent.  I was offended.  She was only joking.  I had bad experience in friendship. I was not a good friend. I know that. Here i am, sitting in the teacher's room writing this and also writing my lesson plan. 😢😢😢😢😢

I did something bad today. I had always been angry at this one particular kid. When i scolded him he would smile. Rudely. As if i am the joke. I hold that anger for too long. And today i blew up. I got so angry with him and i said the worst thing to him. I know. I am at fault. I am the adult here and he is just a kid. But i can't control him. He likes to talk back without me asking. I know he is just a human and is just normal for him to be like that but we are not living in America. We are living in a country with politeness and respect towards the elders. I just dont know how to react to this monster.

There is a reason why i put these up. Recently i am quite frustrated with my housemates but it is not like i can do anything about their particular behaviour. So i was the culprit who told the owner about the girl who slept in the living room. But i pretended it wasn't me because she once did the same thing as me. This girl didnt want to admit that she was wrong. That is why she acted like that. I cant stand how dirty the house is. Then and now. Now that the Owner told me not to put personal belongings in the living room, i took everything upstairs yesterday. I was freaking upset and angry yesterday because my fiancee didn't let me to move out. That was the story of last night.

alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. it means, thanks Allah. right now, i try to be positive. even though it is a very challenging thing for me, but i still want to do it. yes it is a challenge especially right now. money crisis. work load and everything. a lot of things need to be managed but thanks Allah (alhamdulillah) for the time He has given me. soon, i will be living on my own for a month and then i am building my life with the man i love and we are going to live together after we got married. inshaAllah. i guess i am just super blessed right now to have my dreams come true. the decision i made without consulting my parent because i trust myself now more than ever. after all i am an adult. i will just inform my parents later after a while i moved in.. i hope they will be pretty supportive about this. i will talk later yeah. hope so. 

i want to teach the kids about life. but the education system does not provide me with the right time to do just that. i want to make them experience the whole world. enjoying life a little. and not being too rigid. i want them to know it is okay if you are not good in English as long as they respect their teachers, their friends. i know i am not perfect. i have so many sins. at times i feel hopeless just seeing them. at times i feel pity of them. BUT i guess wanting to achieve the level of what we call 'standard' i forget the kind of teacher i want to be. i forget about it is okay if they are less bright than others. it is okay if they make mistakes. they are learning. and it is not a sin to make a mistake in a world of language. as long as they love and enjoy it, then it is okay for me. i forget. instead, i became a teacher who is very strict and fierce and making sure they do their homework has become my priority instead of making sure that learning ta

ok. semalam meeting cakap semua murid ada dalam dewan sampai rehat. hari kejadian. program banyak kosong. kosong! budak-budak bercakap, cikgu semua malas amik port and plus not everyone was there at the dewan pon. i guess gb marah lah kut. cikgu-cikgu lain main phone including me and the kids were chaotic in the dewan. so dia suruh budak-budak balik kelas and guru mata pelajaran masuk kelas. dafuck man?  semalam waktu meeting kau diam. dah berapa lama buat program? cemana kau luluskan program tu? hari kejadian kau nak ubah macam-macam? pastu kau nak upset bila cikgu-cikgu duduk saja kat tepi tu dok main phone.  abes, waktu budak dapat derma tu cikgu-cikgu kat sebelah kena buat apa? tepuk tangan? hooray. camtu?  paling best ada ja cikgu yang tak turun pon kat dewan tu. dah tu cemana?  nak marah sapa? dah la kebiasaannya kalau nak cuti seminggu ni, macam-macam kejadah dia mintak. nak siapkan lesson plan harini, hari isnin bukak raya nanti. macam tak leh nak faham. i

ok. aku selalu perlekehkan orang yang mc banyak2 nih. weh.. dis week i feel awful. weekend lepas i spent time with him then tah cemana he fell sick and demam teruk.. and then once  i balik ampang i developed simptom2 demam dia. first i was sneezing hard. then i started to cough. on monday, i thought i'd be fine tapi masuk pukul 8 tu i dah teruk sebenarnya. even my colleague told me to go back sebab i look terrible lah. then i wanted to go back. i wasap pentadbir, both, pk1 and my gb. i had their permission except for i needed the boss to sign me the release form. i waited for her at the office and i was feeling like hell already. then i gave up waiting for her. i went back to the staff room, wasap the pk1 to not do the relief for me because i didn't go back. i didn't teach that day because i was just sick. then i went back and my body was aching all over. i was crying halfway home because it was bloody painful. it was really not comforting at all. my room mate didn&#

i was just crazy not in peace just now at work. i dont know why i feel like that. ok. actually i do know but i just wont write it here.  i did linus with the kids today and gosh, Lord oh Allah. only He knows how angry and upset i was with this one particular kid. i taught her the same thing again and again. but it just doesnt work on her. it was upsetting. i was furious and tired. honestly. then i told her, stop eating maggie lah. asyik tak ingat jer nih.  if i didn't wear hijab, i'd probably be pulling my hair because i was stressed. lol 

today was quite a hectic day for me. i've been working non stop for the whole time i was at school. it was really tiring for me, especially with my sick body. luckily everything went well. i tried to get the notebook supplied from the government but there was a lady who made it quite difficult for me. she kept asking me too many questions. at last i went straight ahead to the boss and asked if it was okay for me to get the notebook and she asked me to get from that lady. heck! 

we are on a road trip together. convoying with his friends. there was one time the girls, (there are only three girls including me only in this trip), we were too shy to eat breakfast because there were just too many men and it was others' house, so i just waited outside for him to finish his shower. then he got out of the house and looked for me, he looked at me and said, makan.. one word! with powerful and manly intonation. hahaha. man i love it. feels like i am owned by him and it gives me pleasure. i was smiling in my heart and at the same time asking the other girls who are wayyy younger than me to eat as well. lol.

to tell you the truth, i am a bit sad right now. why do i even bother to dig about the past when the present is so much better? i am a sad person like this. now my heart aches so much knowing that information.. why am why???

it was such a bright day this morning. it was hot as well. alhamdulillah for today. hope everything will turn out good tomorrow.

Wahhh.bloody annoying lah.. They closed the road, the only road i know to reach that place. I was turning round and round kl thinking howwww lahh to go to that place. Lastly i decided to park hell far from the place i wanted to go because i had no choice. I had to cross two main bloody busy road to get to my car. I was lucky this morning the traffic wasnt so bad, just wait until this afternoon. It will get worst and worst! I was cursing in the car because they closed the road. Bloody angry. Since i havent been walking in a long distance so much,i feel like my legs are cramping right now. Man i am angry. I thought i was late and i hate being late. That is why i am cursing and i have nobody to ask. I couldnt stop in the middle of the road and block the other cars just because i wanted to ask question to the police officer can i? And if i can find a ppace to park my car then i wouldnt be wanting to ask the police anymore cuz it is a waste of time that i should just walk to the place. Gosh

Good morning and happy Saturday guys. it is still early and i didn't want to go back to sleep because i think it will block the positive aura out of me. so, here i am, wishing you guys good morning.  today i have to attend the kursus kahwin and inshaAllah. i can't wait for our families to meet. may Allah ease everything. i really want to do this.  as of yesterday i was feeling down, i talked to him. i miss him so much actually. he treated me like his only girl and i feel right again. thankfully. so for two days i have to attend this course may everything will go well.. inshaAllah. planning this involves lots of thinking. no kidding. now that i always think of it i become nervous and panicked at the same time. will i be able to handle all the matters. will i make it? but i really really want to be with him this september. semoga dipermudahkan semuanya. 

I guess this has made my day. I was comparing again and it sucks. It made me question and hate myself. I am no longer in a positive mood. I need him by my side telling me i am beautiful no matter what. It is hard to be me that i used to be. It is hard to gain back all the positivity i once had in my life. It is like i am becoming a different person and i hate that. I love the old confident and positive me. Where has all the energy gone to? I have no idea. lord help me please.

the house smells like heaven from my room mate's cooking. but to be honest i dont want to eat. i dont even know what i want. maybe i should just lay down and stop thinking for a while. that's what i do when i have nothing better to do. thinking non stop and it brought me at a strange place that i can't go back. figuratively of course. maybe i should just let it go. let it pass. let these feelings go away on their own and not trying to solve it. just stop lah am. 

MY feelings are all mixed up now. I miss him so bad. Whenever i watch bubzvlogz i miss him even more. The guy i love. I would spend my whole life with him and can never be bored. I missed him so much till i cry. He called me when he woke up and he said he didnt want me crying over missing him. He hated seeing me cry. I know but i am such a crybaby. Anyway, moving past the past, i am looking forward for the future. Next day and the following day and the day after. I guess i just love the idea one day ends and the new one is coming in. I like it when time flies fast and when i sit down and think back, i am just grateful that i am here now. Living. Breathing. Just having my own sweet of my life. I got home last night around 12 a.m. And i went down to sleep around 1am. Then i was awake already at 5. 30 probably because that was my normal time to wake up. Then i went back to sleep and woke up again at 6. 30. I tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt so at 7 i woke up and took a shower.

what was my previous entry eh?  oh, heck it. i cant remember. now i have some time to kill, and i did my job so i am just going to sit down and write this quietly.  sometimes problems in life are there to just test you. God is looking at us and wanting to see what would our reactions be when He gives us the tests. man, i admit, i failed at most tests. i can't be patient enough, i am whining too much.  for example,  on monday, my friends and i went to a supermarket because we wanted to buy some stuff.  then, i bought this milk, and i didn't open it yet because well, at that time i didn't feel like drinking it. then i cooked us some fried rice, and we ate and we had leftover which i thought i wanted to bring to the school the next morning. i woke up early and went downstairs to see that the fried rice had been eaten!  i thought it was my roommate. so i didn't mind. then i wanted to drink my milk and i opened it and guess what? the seal was op

Is it relevant now to check ur spouses' phone? I think you should. If you declare urself to be a husband and wife, there should be no secret between the both of u. if she wants to check your phone, let her be. Why not? There is nothing to hide right? Now,i cant let it happen again so i constantly check his phone. He liked to tease me now because of it. We are happy.

You never know how courageous you are until you are in a situation where you have two choices; be brave or be dead. People say you dont wait for courage, you build it. I have always stick to the sayings. i know i am incapable of changing everything and putting things back to where they were. That is why everyday is like a battle for me. Putting on efforts and not giving up for one second. But i did take a break though, to energize myself before i continue the battle. To all of you who are fighting, remember, you are brave. You just gotta build it and look deeper in your heart. Most importantly, never never give up.

Love is complex. Love is complicated. Love is happiness. Love is hurt. There are just so many definition of love. Well, at least for me if you ask me to define it. Love and hate. The feelings that always conquered our life. We just cant run away from it. You can do something to stop these two feelings and that would be to stop living. Even schizophrenic has feelings. My love life. It is too complicated right now. To be honest, i am in pain. I thought i wont be in this place anymore but here i am, in the pain room. It is suffocating. It drives me crazy. This heart, it is too fragile now. It cant fall again. If it does, then it'll break into million pieces and there is no way to glue them back together. That is just how fragile my heart is right now. I dont know if i should consider myself lucky or just plain unfortunate. I dont know where i am in that two categories. If people say, i get what i want in life then they are wrong. I hardly  ever. I am just putting my thoughts into

This is my favourite picture of us. I just love this guy so much.

it's April. well, ain't it obvious?  now that things get back to normal, i am pretty much relieved. good things are coming this month. i am sure of it. i am wishing and praying for more good things to come.  now it's april, that i realized that we're reaching quarter of the year! soon without realizing, it'll be may, and then i will have 6 more months to go before the school is over. hm. 6 months. can't wait to finish this year already. wishing for more good things to come. or working hard for more good things to come.  i was super busy for the last few weeks or perhaps, last months. i was constantly not around here in Ampang and i did my best to be with him all the time. my advice, if you really love someone, try your best to make it work. but make sure both parties are trying too. 

this is the time when i feel like cursing and swearing and coming out with all the bad words that are available in this world. seriously. i am super angry right now.  the reason why is because i was suddenly assigned to be the head of this club since the head of this club does not want to be the head and he wants to be the head of ping pong club which was my post previously. so we changed. BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT TO BE THE HEAD OF THIS CLUB. suka hati je kan? kalau tak suka, kau boleh tukar awal2 lagi kan? bulan 1 lagi or before the school even begin lagi kau dah boleh nak mintak tukar kalau kau tak suka pon kan? why at the end of march baru kau nak terhegeh2 mintak tukar? so bloody idiot! yes. i am furious right now.  to tell you the truth, i like ict club. i can teach the kids lots of stuff such as blogging.  anyway, that's not the reason why i want to write about this, as much.  in this club, we have four teachers.  me, a female teacher, two male teachers. 

i guess it really is different when you're single and when you get married.  i dont know how life after marriage will look like, but i can pretty much imagine. imagining and being at the place does not really fit actually. when you're imagining, your energy is not being used, so you don't know how much energy you would spend on an action lets say cooking. but when it is real, then you'll know.  i guess, for the moment i never know the life of waking up early to prepare food for somebody (husband and family) because well, obviously, i've never done that. even my mom didn't do it anymore unless we have leftover food in the rice cooker. probably because my dad didn't really eat breakfast like fried rice, or meehun goreng or food like that. to cook heavier meal for example nasi lemak, it will take a certain occasion for it to happen because we simply well, my dad lah, simply love to buy em. what's so bloody hard? my neighbour sell nasi lemak what.