breastfeeding journey

I've finally be able to type something. here is my story.

my firstborn. muhammad adam naufal. i didnt thought nor i intended to fully breastfeed him. but when he was born i was super sad to leave him behind in the hospital and not be able to give him my milk. that was the day i thought i want to fully breastfeed this guy. 

boy it was hard. it was really hard as i was struggling with my milk production. i wasnt a cow so milk didnt come as i thought it would be. i didnt have much so yeah. nevertheless i made it until he refused bottle. then i got pregnant and i knew i had to train this guy with cow milk but since he was already over one year old so i gave him fresh milk. he didnt drink formula. 

so my second child i also didnt have the intention of fully breastfeed even until the day he was borne. i wasnt fully equipped. i only have my autumunz and it was a single pump. i wasnt really satisfied with it but i just used whatever i have. buying a new one was very expensive and i didnt have money. then my milk dropped so much because i had my period, and i cried super hard. i was so disappointed. and i hated the group happy breastfeeding malaysia because they had different idea. they claimed it's okay if the milk dropped. just tandem while direct feeding your baby. but guess what, i did that and only got few drops. how was i supposed to collect the droplets of my milk? it was impossible. i cried so hard and told my husband to buy formula milk. and he did. my eyes were very swollen. 

you may think this is just a normal thing. it's normal for a baby to drink formula BUT not for me. for me it is not okay. i was devastated. 

then i had money so i immediately grabbed medela pump. it's a super powerful pump and it is very very expensive. then i got very motivated to fully breastfeed again. but still my milk production was not enough. i still need to use formula for my baby. then i turned to this famous breastfeeding coach. and it was very very hard at first. it was very very stressful to power pump as i didnt have the handsfree set. 

even though it was very tiring and really really hard i decided not to stop. so i just proceed and impressively, within one week, i managed to get around 40oz for my stock. it was superb i'm telling ya. and i am now very very happy. this system is so amazing. 

this system really does contradict the first group i joined who didnt promote oversupply. but guess what? when you dont have enough milk, you are not fully prepared. that's what i learned.

and my opinion for does a housewife needs a breastpump? my answer would be yes. why? because when you have decided to fully breastfeed, think again. are you ready to commit to this one way of feeding your baby which is direct feeding? for me, not everyone is lucky enough to have a husband who will always be around and also who is helpful. NOT EVERYONE! 

but what you can do is, you just need to make a milk stash and people can help you in feeding your baby.

so here's a situation. 

you're cooking because you have a toddler who is hungry, but at the same time your baby is shrieking and screaming because well, he too has stomach to be filled. so now you need to choose, toddler or baby? you tell me. 

when you're put in this situation and you just tell me, you don't feel a little bit of frustration and stress. 

so mommies out there, it's your choice, really. i dont promote oversupply but to me i find it very helpful. and to see other people such as my husband to feed my baby is a wonderful thing for me to see. he too can bond with the baby, not only me. and yes, i am guilty of the time when i breastfeed my baby but inside i was angry because he was always attached to me. it's not like i hate it but there was this anger inside of me. 

and now that i have my milk stash in my fridge, it is easier. whenever he is super sleepy and needed me to lie down with him and that time i just could not do, he can always drink from his bottle. 

so, really, your choice mommy.