Lovely Goddess; Cause Life is Damn Beautiful

Hi. Assalamualaikum. Dalam post sebelum ni aku ada cerita pasal how bad i was as a mother right. Ok. Kalau tak ingat aku ingatkan balik. Minggu lepas aku pergi temujanji bulanan anak aku. Bila nurse tu cek and everything dia cakap anak aku kena refer doktor. Sebabnya dia tak boleh nak lambai tangan bila kita lambai kat dia. I didnt know ni adalah termasuk dalam saringan yg dia nak uji untuk perkembangan bayi umur setahun. Selain lambai, anak aku jugak tak boleh temukan dua objek. Dan bila nurse tu buat tepuk-tepuk dekat depan dia, dia buat dont know jer. So cut story short, dia kena follow up lagi untuk cek perkembangan dia. To be honest. Aku rasa aku banyak abaikan anak aku. I am too focusing on how to instead of actually doing it. Contoh nya ibarat aku ni sibuk mencari dan membaca manual tanpa aku buat sebarang praktikal. Tak ada keseimbangan. Dan anak aku pun kena buat terapi and everything. Aku rasa macam failed parent sangat-sangat. Yelah. Kenapa dia jadi macam tu? Ok. ...

recently the result of egtukar came out. it was yesterday lah. what recently. reading the posts made me remember my old days when I had to spend my times apart from my husband. it was easy because I had really good friends. it has been seven months since I had been moved in with my husband. and to be honest I kept complaining this and that. I was constantly fighting with my husband because of small unimportant things. I hardly remember ever whether I feel truly grateful. after seeing people's posts immediately feel grateful to be able to transfer within my 3rd times applying. alhamdulillah. I am thankful towards Allah the almighty for blessing me with this time to be spent with my little family. when I think back. this is the life I have always wanted. so I should be grateful to be given this change to live my dream right? inshaAllah. may I will always be grateful. oh ya. I just wanted to rant a bit. last time I went for my son's appointment. it turned out my baby is...

I have been wanting to write this for quite some time. It has been on my mind a lot. Since I have few or quite a lot experiences I can say, in this matter. The topic for today is, Millennium Mom and The Challenges. I feel like writing an essay for an assignment. Being a mother nowadays is totally different from the past when women just need to sit down and care for the babies or just picking leaves and fruits. It was such an easy task. They were not expected to hunt animals or do dangerous stuff like climbing trees or mountains. When we look back at the job of those women, and we compare it to these days, it just differs like the sky and earth. The differences are vast. Mothers nowadays are expected to work. Because in order to have a comfort living, they need to back up their husband and go to work. Of course there's also this feminism thingy and I'm just gonna scratch that. For me, it is tough being a mother in these days because there are huge responsibilities and exp...

Earlier today was a bit awful. There's just a lot going on in my mind and someyimes I find it exhausting. I don't really hate my life .In fact I love my life eve though it is not perfect. I took a leave today despite work is mounting my desk .I had to care frf my baby. His babysitter was away today . I scrolled down my WhatsApp and I reread the conversation between my college mates .they were discusidis about the confirmation job. Which I haven't done anything. So I talked to a friend of mine and she said that once I printed out the Surat pengecualian ptm the kerani should ask me to fill in two forms .I had given my kerani the Surat a long long time ago and she didn't do anything. So I called the ppd bahagian unit perkhidmatan and the person in charged told me that I needed to download the forms from the spp portal and I didn't know. My kerani didn't know .I was furious lah .Ni bukannya bidang kuasa Aku .she ahould have known lah Kan dia kerani kot. I print...

Kerana ego, aku lupa dengan siapa aku bercakap. Maafkan aku. ……………………. Hari ni merupakan hari yang agak tertekan bagi ku. Adam tak sihat. Pada malamnya Adam tak mahu tidur dan asyik menangis. Dia langsung tak mahu menyusu. Aku jadi tak cukup tidur semalam. Badan dah mula sakit-sakit. Mana taknya, kejap mengiring ke kiri, kejap ke kanan demi menenangkan anak yang menangis tanpa aku tahu apa puncanya. Adam menangis dan tidak mahu diam seawal pukul 4 pagi. Aku terpaksa bangun kerana apa jua yang aku lakukan, Adam masih menangis. I was stressed. So I went out the room and sat alone trying to ignore his cries. It’s cruel. I know. But it’s gonna be even worse if I didn’t separate myself from him for a while. I know that. My husband had to wake up because of his cries. Aku berada di sofa waktu itu. Suami ku dukung Adam keluar dari bilik. Adam looked at me and cried again. And I looked at him and I felt the love again. So I picked him up, trying to console him. Trying to feed ...

It’s 5.40 p.m. and I’m in bed right now. Not sleeping. I guess that’s obvious. I just watched a little bit of my favourite blogger’s video. She did a vlogz about a sneak peek on her life. Have you ever wondered that what are the reasons that your life is as what it is now? Like, is it meant to be or is it just what you deserve? I always have this thought. Sometimes I thought it is meant to be. Sometimes I also have this thought that I deserved all these because I didnt work hard enough or I had made a bad decision. It is hard for me sometimes to pull myself from that ‘dark’ side of me but alhamdulillah I managed to get through. I am living my life in a bliss. I am grateful for what I have now. And yes I wanted to have more than what I already have. That’s because I need to move forward. And work hard for a life that I want. I want to own a house. And I hope Allah will lead and ease me the way. Aamiinn. 

i feel like the devil inside of me is coming out. maybe because of this tiredness and lack of sleep. and here i am blaming other factors when maybe it's just me to be blamed for. i am disgusted with myself right now. i shouldn't feel the way i felt just now. and it just, i hate it. i guess i dont know how to be around people. i lose control. i prefer my small circle of friends. maybe i should just stay away a bit. and just focus on whats need  to be done.