just thinking

i realized that in my life, not all people can be my friends. or true friends. some people i met were my friends. but we stopped being friends because they hurt me. and they are the most people whom i refused to meet at all in my life. luckily, God has been answering my prayers, i haven't met them at all after all those years. luckily. 

i am not a revenge type of girl. i definitely can let go of the past and move on. but what they did to me, it has become a scar in my heart that i feel like i do not want to see their faces anymore. yes. even until now. i forgive them yet i refuse to meet them again because i do not want to be hurt like that again.

i was hit hard. real hard. until the point i was thinking of suicide. yes. i admit it. at that point it hurt so much that i thought of ending my life. but guess what. i was not that brave to end my life. i guess i was holding on to that little piece of iman in my heart. thank God for that. and i seek blessing every day in my life. 

ever since that day, i have promised myself that words just can't hurt me. i looked for motivation from all places. right then, i discovered myself. i know that some people will like to be my friends, some just don't. some might feel disgusted when i am around. i keep telling myself, hey, that's okay. i just be where i need to be without thinking of that. i should just be myself and the right people will appreciate it. 

to the people out there. i know that before marriage, it's all about having friends. but, having many friends might not just be your thing. why? because you are unique and only few people can understand that. it's okay that you feel left alone as long as you remember that there will always be your God, your family and people that you love and they love you back for your true self. just have faith in yourself, and believe in yourself and what you do, you'll soon meet the people who are just right for you. it may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year but just have faith and keep on being strong and one day you'll meet them. 

i reflected what happened in my life a lot. i have gone far. i am a completely different person than i was yesterday, last year, last two years and last five years. knowing that i have changed keep me calm because at least i know, i am still moving and still breathing and alive and just a human. there's not one person i met that is still the same person whom i met five years ago.

i felt like writing this because i was on my bed and somehow it got me thinking. so i felt the need to write this somewhere.