Long post

When i dreamed about living together with my husband, i can never truly imagined how my life would turn out to be. Of course the imagination runs but i didnt feel it.

Until the news that my application for transferring had been approved. It was thrilling and very exciting. And the holiday passed by. 

The first few weeks i spent juggling wasnt easy. I felt like crying. I fought with my husband a lot. I couldnt enjoy my time spent with my family and i turned out to be very tired at the end of the day. I becaming a monster everyday. It's not fun anymore. Living like that. That's what i thought. 

So i turned to a friend, and she advised me as well as giving me tips. I tried to follow, but then again, i kinda slipped out a bit. I tried.  Until last week. 

It was a very exhausting day for me. It was Wednesday when we had our first extra curricular activities. I went back home really late. And after setling down and everything, i lay down in bed. My husband was tired as well. Both of us were pretty exhausted that night. 

I fell asleep not minding my baby anymore. My body just numbed due to lots of work. 

Suddenly i heard my husband screaming my name. And guess what? My baby fell off the bed. I was shaking that night thinking about my baby.  Even though he fell asleep right after i comforted him and gave him milk. I was still worried. It was his first time falling from that height. And the thought of it just scared the hell outta me. 

I took one day off and just spent it with my baby. I still juggling with my work. And i am still adapting with my new life. 

My friend is right. I wanted to be the perfect housewife. Just like bree in the series Desperate Housewives. But it's just not gonna happen. Because i need to take care my little baby within limited time. What my friend told me was, it's okay if the house is a mess a bit, it's okay if i am not able to do every thing and it's okay if certain things arent in order. Give yourself a break sometimes. 

I talked to myself like that so many times. It just helps.

Today i felt a bit overwhelmed with my work. And i told my husband about this. That i feel guilty whenever i stayed back leaving my baby with his babysitter. But then if i got home and my work is undone, i ended up scolding my baby and it's just not fair for him. Luckily he talked to me, and told me to do settle my work first then come home to my baby happily.

And i did just that. Alhamdulillah i must say because everything went well. Even though i was pretty tired when i got back home i was still able to accomplish these:
1. Washed the dirty clothes
2. Pick up the dried clothes
3. Cook for my baby
4. Blended onions for the prepping
5. Cooked dinner. Fried noodles
6. Fed my baby.
7. Washed my pumping equipment.
8. Cleared the sink. (washed dirty plates)
9. Completing my strategic plan as requested.
10. Printed out all my work for tomorrow.
11. Ironed me and my husband's clothes for tomorrow.
12. Prepaded Adam's bag.

Just wow. Proud of myself.

That's all for now I'm really sleepy. Nite peep.