Thinking of my past and a note.

It is nearly 4 a.m. and i couldnt make myself sleep again. I woke up and tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt.  My wedding is three days away. To think back i really am grateful to Allah for giving me the chance to build a family with him. I pray for marrying the right person. Who loves me for who i am and not what i am.

To think back for what had happened earlier this year, my emotions came again. All of my feelings and each of every moment that has happened, ....

There is no more words to describe how i had felt before and now. I know i shouldn't be thinking much about the past because i have no power to change it anymore, but i like to go back to the past at times to remind myself how strong i actually am and just how lucky i am to be able to be with him.

I still remember asking him to marry someone else and i even asked him to promise me to marry that person. With swollen eyes due to our break up,he didnt want to make that promise with me. I even told him, i cant be happy if i cant know ur not gonna marry her. Can u imagine i said that?

I was holding myself not to hold his hands. Realizing it was something i had already lost because i asked for it and he couldnt bear with my actions anymore.

The moment when we both sat and talked about it. I was in tears and he couldnt do anything because we werent in a relationship anymore. It wasnt easy for me back then. When we got to the car and as i was supposed to be leaving, i asked him again, is this what you've wanted?

He told me he wanted to marry me. Maybe because he realized how he had lost me. And thanks to that moment we both know how strong our feelings towards each other.

I am very much grateful for what happened because as people said, there is a silver lining for everything. I hope we can live my life with much more abundance of loves and wealth and happiness. I hope our relationship grows stronger day by day and everyday that i miss him is gonna be something. I hope both of us can keep our love and passion stronger each and everyday for the rest of my life because i cant walk in the same path as i did before. Not anymore. And i made it clear to him.

Dear Allah, thank u for everything youve given me despite how sinful i am. I hope what youve given me now is a blessing and i appreciate it with all my heart. Thank you Allah.