i am now stumbling facing the earth and still unable to get up to my feet again.

assalamualaikum wbt n peace upon all.

after a long time abandoning my habit which is making your dashboard full of mess made by me, i have decided to return to this old habit. 

in life there are times we feel like we are the king or queen of the world that we are so tough and nothing can break us. but there are also times when we feel like crawling into a dark room and secretly sobbing because of things that just don't mean anything to us.

well, that's how my life goes. there are times when i feel like nothing can break me, i will not cry even if you throw a stone to me. partly because i can kick your ass too when you can kick mine. that's how i am. 

but there are times also when i feel like crying so much until you wouldn't be able to tell whether they are my eyes or not because they will swell like crazy. i am so fragile even one move from the other person will make me burst into tears.

and then i will be like this in front of my housemates, 

"i'm fine" while tears heavily strolling down my cheeks. >.<'' whatdaheck!

that's me.. and fyi, i am in the fragile moment which i don't know why i became like this at the first place. 

i seek helps from my friend, one of my best friends indeed, husnul, and this is what she said to me. 

"sabarlah am.. bukan salah ang pun. depa tak leh terima nak wat macam mana. yang penting, kita cuba berubah utk jadi lebih baik. bagi aku, kita kena minta maaf dan memaafkan. ang still ada Allah am, walau satu dunia pulaukan ang." 

seriously, terharu sangat-sangat bila dia cakap camni. tapi dapat meredakan berat kat kepala tu jugaklah. 

things will be better for i am trying to change. those who are near me, please give me your support. 

and to those i have hurt the feelings, or accidentally hurt you, i am truly sorry.

i was losing my control.

i even wrote on my twitter, "as much as you hate me, i hate myself even more." this sentence has been stuck in my head for so long. i am planning to get rid of it. wish me luck and pray for me aigh't? 

thank you for stopping by and read this nonsense written by me. :'D